When I Lose Myself, I'll Think of You; A Tom Kaulitz Fanfiction

8: There's Always a Reason

"Don't even ask." Addy stared wide-eyed at Tom. Then she got an idea. She started turning the guitar around in her hands. "You know, I think I'm going to get this guitar. I like the way the first string sounds."

Tom was going to say something witty, but the last part caught him off guard. "You do? That's why I like that guitar, too." He smiled at her, but she didn't return it. She looked surprised. Apparently, he had caught her off guard, too.

"Well…ughh. Oh, yeah." She composed herself. "I should probably go buy this now, in case it sells out soon." She began to get up.

"Okay, well I'll be over there…somewhere." Jac got up and walked over to the cash counter.

Addy turned to follow her, but Tom was blocking her exit. "C'mon, I'll be your slave for life." He cocked an eyebrow.

"Hmm, convincing offer. I'll have to pass, though." Addy laughed.

"Well, then. What do you want for it?"

Addy started eyeing his sweater. Tom followed her gaze.

"It's freezing outside, and I have to walk to the bus station. If you give me that hoodie then I'll give you the guitar."

Addy didn't really want it, but it was chilly outside, especially because it was close to night and it was raining.

"You're already wearing one –"

"Ha, it's hardly warm. If you don't want the guitar then I guess I could always –"

"Okay! Fine, deal." She gave him the guitar. He then unzipped the hoodie and threw it to her. She immediately cocooned herself inside it and walked towards Addy, who was talking with the other ¾ of Tokio Hotel.

They were heading out the door when Tom called to her. "Do you think, maybe the next time we see each other, that I could get that back?"

Addy whipped around to face him. "No, not really. Unless you want to give me that guitar. Besides, is there even going to be a next time?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"Well –"

Georg spoke up before Tom had a chance to finish. "There could be." He threw them two things that looked like shiny playing cards. "Those don't exactly count as tickets, but you can get backstage before or after the show with them. It's on Monday, by the way. It's up to you if you want to come or not."

Addy smiled and thanked him, then walked out into the street.

Tom looked horrified. "Those weren't our passes, were they?"

"You looked like you needed some help. Besides, we can always get new ones made. You'll thank me later."

Tom muttered under his breath and paid for the guitar.

* * * * *

Addy sat on the bus beside Jac and thought. She remembered how when she put on Tom's hoodie, it was still warm and smelled a little bit like fresh soap and maybe some Axe. She snuggled closer inside of it. At least I'm warm. She thought. She pulled out the backstage passes and couldn't help but notice one had Georg's name on it and the other had Tom's name on it. She laughed at that. She had seen these before, and she knew they were made for the band so they could move around the venue undisturbed. She thought that they looked like the ones her ex-boyfriend had used to give to her.

"Addy, why do you keep on acting like that around Tom? And the other guys, too…although not as much."

Addy looked out her window.

"This isn't about Paul, is it? Hun, that's all in the past. Look! He gave you his all-access pass. Well, Georg did…but still. They're really nice. Try to get to know them at least." Jac pleaded.

Addy thought about Paul. The truth was, she thought Tom resembled him in a way. They were both guitarists in a band and had lip rings. But then she realized that the similarities ended there.

"The night we met them," Addy didn't have to specify, Jac knew who she meant. ", I couldn't figure out who he reminded me of. When I was trying to sleep, my head was turning so much, so I couldn't. I was thinking hard instead. When I thought of Paul, I knew I had to separate myself from Tom. It hurt too much to see someone who reminded me of him." Addy's voice was barely a whisper.

Paul DiGiovanni had dated Addy for 2 months before he joined Boys Like Girls. They met at a party when she went on vacation to Massachusetts and they clicked, just like that. He was more than a year older than her, but it didn't affect their relationship. Him being in a band never really took a toll on them, either. As the months wore on and Boys Like Girls was getting more recognizable, she felt like Paul was distancing himself from her. She lost her virginity to him in order to somehow try to bring him closer, but they just drifted further apart. After they had been dating for a year-and-a-half, she caught him cheating on her. She let it go because it was only once so far, but once she talked to the guys, she found out it had been going on for the past eight months. After that, she finally got the nerve to break up with him and stopped visiting Massachusetts. She hadn't seen him since the break-up, and wasn't planning to. Although, her friends sometimes talked about the success of Boys Like Girls, and she felt a hole in her heart. It had been way more than a year, but she still couldn't let go and hadn't really put any effort into her relationships. She didn't sleep with any guys, either. She tried to make herself believe that she was still a virgin, and she wouldn't lose it until she found someone she loved.

"He's not Paul. Just come with me. At least to make me feel better." Jac cracked a smile.

Addy managed to smile back. "Okay. I will. And I'll behave myself."

"That's the spirit!"

Both girls let out a laugh, more to release the pent up pressure than anything else.