6:54

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Sunday, 22nd of June 2013

I hummed to a Sleeping with Sirens song on my phone while I read a book about a boy called Miles, and he fell in love with a girl called Alaska. In this book though, he was called Pudge and he was shy and he liked learning people's last words. It was weird, but unique. I wondered about me. What was my favourite thing to do? What was my specialty? Miles' was learning last words, and Alaska enjoyed reading. But what was mine?

I jumped suddenly when someone lightly tapped me on the shoulder, "Grace your sheets need to be cleaned," The nurse that checks up on me every three hours told me, a bright smile on her face.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I'll go sit outside for a little while" I told her, getting out of the warm covers, and pulling out my earphones. I pulled up my silk, indie looking pants and fixed my black singlet as I slipped on my thongs. Usually I'd be in one of those ugly ass gowns, but because I complained about them, and theres technically nothing physically wrong with me, they allowed me to wear normal clothes.

I stepped out of my hospital room, smiling awkwardly at the nurses passing me as I found my way to the elevator. I had my half read book, and my phone in my hands as I patiently waited for the doors to open, then I stepped inside, walking towards the small corner after pressing the ground button. It didn't take long for the lift to reach the ground, and when it did, I walked out and found my way towards the garden. There was a stool and heaps of beautiful plants around in that garden. It was the most peaceful place I've been since I woke up a week ago.

Things lately were confusing and empty. Jordan told me that I've had severe depression in the past, and I guess it's leaking through again. I don't know what it's like to be depressed anymore though, because every memory and feeling has somewhat vanished but I'm scared it will come back. I won't know how to overcome my feelings anymore. It's like an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, but maybe that was just because I can't remember anything. I'm scared though, because the scars on my wrists and legs tell me I didn't take loneliness well, but I'm not sure how I can help myself. Maybe I just need to go through it all again. Maybe it's just what was meant for me.

I noticed someone sitting in my usual spot, but I wasn't really offended. They were playing a guitar, and had one of those gowns on. I didn't really like talking to people -I knew that much, so I didn't say anything. Instead I just sat next to them and quietly opened my book again. I put one earphone into my ear, but left the other one hanging, just incase he tried saying something.

"Looking for Alaska, right?" His deep voice asked.

I looked up and smiled awkwardly, "Yeah how'd you know?"

"It's the only book I've read that has it's chapters set out that way" He explained, "I see you haven't found out what after is yet" He told me. I took in his appearance, and noticed he was a lot younger than I originally thought he was. He had warm green eyes and a shaved head. He was incredibly pale, and I knew then that whatever his condition was, it was serious.

"I already know," I chuckled, "Tumblr ruined that for me"

"Ah," He chuckled.

"Do you play often?" I asked, nodding towards the guitar. It was an accoustic guitar and had a sticker on it. Just one, black sticker with the word Faith on it. It reminded me of a similar sticker that I've seen, but the word was LOVE and it was on a white guitar. I wasn't sure why that was familiar, or who's intrument it was, but it was there.

He nodded, "Every chance I can possibly get. It's like my paradise. My get away yano?"

"Yeah" I nodded, "Music is mine too," I told him, "But I just listen to it"