Jane: [after spending a drunken night with Kevin] I just want you to know, I never do this.
Kevin: Oh, I know.
Jane: No, really. I never, never do this.
Kevin: No, really, I know. Last night, you kept saying it over and over again: "I never do this", "I *never* do this", "I never *do* this"...
Jane: Okay. I just wanted you to know.
Kevin: [motions to a "Gone With the Wind"-style dress] What the hell is that?
Jane: Theme wedding.
Kevin: What was the theme? Humiliation?
Kevin: What about you? You don't have any needs?
Jane: No. I'm Jesus
Jane: Oh, I'm a really... very good caulker.
Kevin: [into recorder] Likes caulk.
Kevin: Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind
Jane: I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich
Jane: I thought i told you to do your hair!
Casey: [she and Jane are in mutual friend's wedding. Casey's hair is a mess] What? Don't look at me like that! The b*tch said "Up" so it's up!
Casey: [after Jane turns down a drink offer from George] He asks if you want a drink. You smile and say, 'Vodka soda.' If you already have a drink, you down it. Then there's some flirting, some interoffice sex, an accidental pregnancy, a shot gun wedding, and a life of bliss. How many times do we have to go over this?
Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
Jane: Oh! That's so noble of you. Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that s*** wide open.
Kevin: A-ha! So you admit that believe in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!
Tess: How could you let this happen to me?
[begins reading from newspaper article]
Tess: "If Jane is the prototypical accommodating bridesmaid, then her sister Tess is cast as the overbearing, overindulged bride-to-be who at any moment might start stomping around Manhattan, breathing fire, and swatting planes from the sky."
Jane: I had no idea he was writing an article about me.
Tess: You? He called me Bridezilla! In the New York freaking Journal! I could tear him apart limb from limb!
Jane: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me? Kevin: I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.
Kevin : All right. Listen. That was not right. I get it. But this one is. Look, this woman has been in seven weddings this year. She was in two on Saturday alone. But it won't just be about her. It'll be an incisive look at how the wedding industry has transformed something: That should be an important rite of passage into nothing more than a corporate revenue stream. In a fun, upbeat, you know, cheerful way. Look, Maureen, I am dying back there in Commitments. If I have to write another sentence about baby's breath, I'm gonna shoot myself. This is a real story. This is what I wanna do. If you don't start giving me feature stories, I'm gonna have to quit.
