Little Ben Healy: We've adopted Satan!
Mr. Peabody: What are we supposed to do?! He's been returned to the orphanage 30 times already!
Little Ben Healy: (surprised) We're doing what everyone has been doing to him, I mean it's easy to give up on a kid.
Flo Healy: Damn straight it is.
Little Ben Healy: But isn't that what's wrong with the world today? Problems just don't go, Flo! So the question here is what are we going to do with our little problem child? I'll tell you what we are going to do. Something no one else has ever done to him before. We're gonna love him, Flo. We'll love him when he's bad, we'll love him even more when he gets worse, then one day he's gonna stop and say, "hey, these people really do love me. I don't have to be bad anymore. What the hey, I can be President of the United States!"
Flo Healy: President of the United States? Are you brain damaged? Junior is gonna be a convict before he's in third grade!
Junior: I'm sorry Mr. Healy, please don't spank me.
Little Ben Healy: Well I'll have to punish you somehow. I'm taking back you're allowance.
Junior: The whole buck?
Little Ben Healy: Yes go get it.
Junior: [going through stolen money, thinking to himself] I wonder if he's got change for a twenty?
[Junior is scrubbing pots and pans on his birthday]
Mother Superior: Junior! What is taking you so long? We start serving dinner in 20 minutes.
Junior: I only got two hands!
Mother Superior: And I want these pots so shiny that I can see my face in them.
Junior: [Grabs a messy lid] This one kind of looks like you.
Junior: [seeing his bedroom full of clowns] Oh my God, they're retarded.
Junior: [luring a bear to the campsite] I bet you've never been camping before. It's so much fun! There's singing, marshmallows, and all sorts of stupid humans to scare!
Junior: Why does this guy love me? Why does any parent love any kid? Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know, like how high is up? Why is the sky blue? And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?
Junior: [in Roy's station wagon chasing the Bow Tie killer, pulls out a rifle] Neat, look what I found!
Little Ben Healy: Hey that's Roy's, give me that.
Junior: Why? You can't drive and shoot at the same time!
Little Ben Healy: What do we do?
Junior: I've got an idea!
[cut to Jr. driving and Ben aiming out the sunroof]
Junior: Shoot out his tires, Dad!
