The Girl in the Locket

Chapter Forty

I watched Clark and Bea playing on the beach down from the deck I was perched on. Clark was telling Bea all about the crabs that live in the sand that come out at night to eat your feet. I smiled as Bea kicked up the sand and refused to believe Clarks tales. Their toes were covered in a white sand that I had fondly sunk mine into a thousand times in that very spot they were playing in. I had imagined having children here and doing that with them,and now that was a reality.

A blanket was wrapped around my shoulders and I reached up and pulled it tight. It was the pale blue blanket I had found in the storage facility. My mothers.

"They love it here" James observed, taking the spot beside me and relaxing his long legs out in front of us. We sat comfortably beside one another and watched our babies squeal and laugh as they ran about under our watchful gaze and the lowering of the sun.

"I know I fought you about this for so long, but you were right. Their happiness is all that matters. I see that now. I love you, you know that"

I took his hand and smoothed my thumb over his. "I love you too James" I replied with a contented smile.

"Hey watch it guys, I was only gone for a second and you are back to your old ways"

James and I laugh as Megan approaches. She flings herself onto James lap and kisses him sweetly on the lips. As they pull away both are smiling like teenagers in love.

"You two make me sick" I joke, nudging his arm.

Clark bounds up with Bea following in her wake. She reaches for Megan's hand "Meg will you come help us build a princess castle with sea shells"

"Of course" Megan replies, taking her hand and following the little ones back down to the beach.

James wraps his arm around my shoulders and I lean into his body. I had missed his friendship for so long whilst we separated, that when he began to once again treat me with that kindness and kinship I took it with both hands and have loved the change in our relationship every step it's taken since. Megan helped the transition happen sooner than expected. She was his complete match, and it was obvious the moment he introduced us and I saw how they looked at each other. I recognised it as the love I had wished I had had for him but could never find. It was how I looked at Amber.

"Thank you for letting her be a part of their lives" He said softly, kissing my forehead and watching her on the beach.

"Of course. I love her. I think you guys are so wonderful together. I would never stop you from sharing our girls with the woman you are going to marry, and they clearly adore her"

"I wish I understood earlier how you felt about her. Amber I mean. I shouldn't have been so bitter about her seeing Clark. She deserved to see her, and I know I had a hand in that"

"She had the chance. It wasn't you. It was me. I wasn't me when I last saw her. I was still finding myself, and she was saving herself from a whole heap of heartache. I don't think she ever thought I would come back. She had finally grieved me and she didn't want to come in and destroy the life Clark had with us"

"But you are back Syd. You have been back for a while now. Why haven't you told her? You have her number?"

"I keep asking myself the same question. I think about her every minute of the day. I want to more than anything! You have no idea the immense pain it causes me to be here without her, living and breathing in a world she exists in and not being a part of her life. I just can't find the words to say when I pick up that phone. How do I throw myself back into her life when she has been without me for over five years? James she moved on and I don't know if she will want that phone call anymore. She waited for five years to hear I had been found and to get that call, and when it came it tore her apart. I don't want to hurt her any more. Look what I've done...I forgot about her. I forgot about the other part of my god damned soul when I swore I would never leave her. I swore I would never forget her. What kind of person forgets the love of their life even exists? What kind of person remarries like that with no thought or memory of her being stirred inside of me?"

James's hand squeezes my shoulder. "You were not in control of the injury. The doctor told you himself that amnesia can be different in everybody and the trauma you experienced, it was enough to take those memories from you. That wasn't your fault honey. You had no idea if or when they would return and it is certainly not in any way something you could force to happen. When we met you were not Sydney. You can't feel guilty about that. The injury brought something quite special into our lives too, Bea. We can't deny that"

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and looked up to James pale blue eyes creased into a smile.

"You are right of course" I confess. "She's a pretty awesome consequence of these crappy circumstances"

"Seriously awesome" he confirms with a laugh. "So will you call?" he asks.

I watch the girls and Megan return from the beach. "I will make a call" I reply, kissing the girls and standing.

I make my way into the lounge via the open glass doors that lead out onto the deck and the BBQ that James is back to cooking at. I watch him briefly, and a calm washes over me. He and Megan relocated to Miami with his work a month ago and the weekend visits to the beach house that I had bought with his help, they were wonderful for us all. I had missed his presence.

I take the stairs one by one until I am alone in the master bedroom. I take the seat on the window ledge looking out over the ocean and I raise the cell to my ear. I hear the tone as it dials and await the voice on the other end.

"Hi" I begin. "It's Sydney"