Mistaken.

Chapter Eleven: Returning to the end.

So, here I was, sinking, my air running out, no energy to fight back. My lungs are burning, all I can taste is salt. The taste is making me 'retch', I don't have anything to fight for anymore. I don't understand why he did this to me, did I deserve it? I had no idea but he would never be forgiven for this sin. I wasn't going to make it, this was the last chapter of my life, of this I was sure. I felt myself choking, I heard the waves crashing, my nose stinging.

By now I remember my mother, she already lost one daughter, she didn't deserve to lose another! It wasn't fair on her to lose another, it would be the end of her! She still wasn't over losing my sister and it's been twenty-five years, twenty-five. My death would probably destroy her! The thought of this gave me the will to fight, I pushed against the salty liquid that was pushing me down, to find that my leg was caught, I felt a piercing pain in my leg before the adrenalin kicks in, it starts to numb until I feel nothing. I look round to see the water has turned red as the blood drains out of me, I become light headed and can't fight anymore.

Something tugs on my leg loosening it, they pull me up until I feel my lungs fill with air, I look at the person, what struck me first was his shockingly red hair but then his piercing ice-blue eyes, the kind of blue that before today I loved but now all I felt was hatred. My stomach was churning, that's the feeling I'm left with before passing out.

Death of a crow represented, a death, my death.

Everything around me is white, blinding. I look down and see my body, Jay trying to start my heart beat. It looked like I was looking through a veil. A ladder appears beside me, I suppose I am meant to climb it to get to whatever comes after death but I don't want to leave everything the way it was.

What about my parents?

What about my friends?

What about my friends?

What about... What about Jay?

How would any of them react?

Would any of them care?

Of course they would, Sophia! Of course they would!

The more I think, the less I want to leave this place, everything and everyone I love is here.

I notice the ladder begin to slowly gravitate downwards and the veil begin to fade, almost like it's disintegrating.

I steadily place one hand onto the ladder and begin to climb down, slowly, not to slip, not to slip. I'm really not nervous at all, what's the worst that could happen?

I'm back onto solid land again, stood beside Jay and my body. His trembling hands force themselves onto my neck, desperately seeking a pulse. He has no luck, I see the panic in his eyes and feel terrible; I caused this distress.

He thumps my chest in a rhythmic beat, obviously clear on what he's doing but no colour returned to my face. No movement accrued, this is like watching a movie and rooting for the hero, only this time it is my death, not fiction.

He lets a tear escape, he caresses my cheek, and kisses the bruise that he inflicted. His eyes filled with sadness, regret and guilt. "I'm so sorry, Soph." he whispers, another tear escaping, hitting my cheek this time.

I feel a tug towards my body, it is working, he just has to continue at what he was doing. He softly places his hands to my now blue lips and parts them. He quickly presses his lips to mine, his hair pushed forward, dripping water onto my lifeless body. He shares his oxygen with me, desperately. I feel a force pulling me again, each tug getting stronger and stronger. My chest began to rise and detract until finally I'm back into my own body. Chocking up water, gasping for air, catching my breath.

He pulls me in tightly, he begins to sob. I look into his eyes, this time seeing purity, truth, love. "I love you, Jay, I really do." I wisper, seeing his eyes fill with hope and happyness made everything seem like less of a weight on my shoulders, making me happy, for the first time in a long time.

I press my lips, urgently to his.

I know now that he is all I want, maybe not for ever but he's what I want at this exact moment.

Now is all that counts, that was my life's moral now. 

I was no longer scared, but happy.