Chapter Twenty-Two

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So, after my little diarrhea of the mouth incident, I quickly threw on some clothes and ran to Eleanor's room without even saying a word to Niall.

"Eleanor I need to talk to you!" I said loudly barging right in.

"Shit!" Louis screamed rushing to cover himself and Eleanor up. "Don't you ever knock?"

"I'm sorry, I just really need to talk to you guys. But more specifically Eleanor. But you know, you're here, might as well listen. It's not like you're not going to find out eventually. Hell, I bet Niall's beating up Harry as we speak." I said pacing back and forth.

"What? Why would he beat up Harry?!" Louis questioned.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you guys. I just, I don't know how to say it. I'm just, I really fucked up." I said.

"Woah, woah. Calm down. What's wrong?" Eleanor asked trying to calm me down.

"Well, it's just that I said something to Niall. You know how I can be! I get extremely nervous and can't seem to shut up. I don't ever think about what I'm saying and, it's like, it just keeps pouring out." I said still pacing.

"Kind of like now? And every other time you talk?" Louis joked trying to lighten the mood.

"Shut up Louis. I think something's seriously wrong. Zo, just calm down. Deep breathes and tell us when you're ready.-" El began but I quickly interrupted.

"I has sex with Niall!" I exclaimed.

"WHAT?" They both yelled quickly sitting up.

"And he told me he loved me!"

"WHAT?" They said again in unison.

"And I told him I loved Harry!" I quickly covered my mouth not wanting to say it again.

They both looked at each other for a moment and again said, "WHAT?"

"I don't know. I'm so stupid. I just want to go home." I said quickly falling onto the couch.

"Is she crying?" I could hear Louis whisper to El.

"Of course I'm crying!" I said. My eyes widened in shock. "I'm crying. Why am I crying? I'm the awful one."

"Louis, can you leave so I can talk to Zo?" Eleanor quickly asked Louis.

"But, I only have my boxers on!" I could hear her quickly throw
something at him. "I'm still staying."

"He can stay, I don't care." I said burying my face in the couch.

"Babe," I felt Eleanor sit down beside me and stroke my hair. "I know how sometimes you get nervous and say things out of the norm."

"Yeah," I said, "but I hurt Niall."

"Did you mean it? When you said you loved Harry?" She quickly asked me.

"You don't beat around the bush do you?" I answered a question with a question.

"You're avoiding the question." We both shot dirty looks at Louis.

"Sorry." He said throwing his hands up.

"I don't want to answer it right now. I don't want to do much of anything right now. Can I just hide out in here until I leave?" I asked.

"Of course!" Eleanor said, smiling, just when Louis said, "No!"

"She can't stay in here! What will I tell the boys when they ask?" He said.

"Nothing. Just avoid the question. I'm not asking you to lie, just help me hide." I pleaded to Louis.

"Fine." He said finally agreeing.

"But Zoey, you're going to have to face Niall sooner or later. Tell him the truth. Even if it's good and even if it's bad. You have to tell him." She explained to me.

"I know. But just, not right now." I said.

"So...do you love Harry?" Louis asked.

"Shut up Lou." We both said.

"I'm curious. I have to know." He said.

"Okay that's it." She said getting up and grabbing his ear. She pulled him into the bathroom. I couldn't hear much of what they were saying. My thoughts quickly got in the way.

The truth is, I didn't want to answer the question at all. Not because I did love Harry. I didn't. Not in the way he wants me to, anyway. I didn't want to answer it because then they would ask, "Do you love Niall?" and I didn't have the answer to that. I didn't know if I loved him or not. The last time I opened up my heart up to someone I was instantly hurt. I just didn't want to feel the same thing I did a year ago. I don't want to go through that again.

Long nights lying awake balling my eyes out. A few bottles of vodka would always help me forget my feelings. But as soon as the drunkenness would wear off I could feel my heart braking leading me to empty a few more bottles. Lashing out at those who really loved me. I could feel all of that coming back.

I sat up noticing El and Louis had left. I walked over to the liquor cabinet located in their hotel room. I squatted down hands on the door handles. I took a deep breathe closing my eyes. Did I want to do this?

I could hear those girls voices in my head. Over and over again.

'They won't even last that long.'

'She's no good for him.'

'Who ever ships them are stupid.'

'She's just using him.'

'She's not even that pretty in person.'

"I am pretty, Niall thinks I'm beautiful." I said to myself.

Does he? Or did he just want to get in your pants?

"No he's not like that! He loves me!" I said fighting with my thoughts.

But you don't love him.

"That's not true."

So you do?

"I don't know. I'm confused. But I know Niall will never be like...him." I said not wanting to say his name.

But what if he is? What if he's exactly like-

"Don't say it." I screamed.

Exactly like-

"No..."

Jon

"Shut up!" I said slamming open the cabinet doors.

Go ahead drink it. I picked up the vodka bottle. It always used to help.

"Well that's one thing you're right about." I said to myself. I asked my self once again if I really wanted to do this? Was it worth it?

Yes, yes it was. I opened the bottle immediately chugging it. The familiar taste and warmth filled my throat. I didn't care about anything right. I just wanted to forget for a little bit. Yes I was being a coward. But what can I say, I'm and 18 year old teenage girl. We're notorious for running from our problems, not facing them.

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A/N: this helped you guys get a little insight on Zoey and her past. You figure out why she is the way she is. So let me know what you think!

Don't forget to ask me questions for the Q/A!!

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