How Not To F*** Up A Werewolf Story

Take 6,749,375!

Okay so I've had these on my computer since....*checks date* November.....

I basically wrote part of the rant and went ha wait the world going dark, sleepy time. Then I'm like I'll edit later and now I'm staring at it in February.

Oops.

So basically fuck editing you're getting all my foul language and random disjointed thoughts with like zero editing good luck.

If you're offended, doors over there *points at black hole* I will punt your ass if needed.

Anyways now that I'm done take it away Billy

*points at homicidal unicorn because if I had a giant fucking horn on my head I would kill off my math teachers because trigonometry is worse than Justin Beiber*

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Villains!

GET. YOUR. FUCKING. ACT. TOGETHER!

I've been reading a lot lately and the villains get shittily written the more and more I read. Seriously, no one is bad just because. There's always something where I'm just grinding my teeth together because it's so stupid and doesn't make sense.

Villains are people too alright? They have hopes and dreams and a purpose and making them the stupid cackling idiots is doing your novel a disservice. First of all, lets start off with common tropes and then I'll tell you shitty ass writers how you can improve your villain so your book won't suck.

Disclaimer: I am also a shitty ass writer why are you even listening to my bullshit.

So let's set this up alright? Okay so the antagonist has the protagonist tied up or whatever and he's standing there and....SCENE

The ropes cut into my wrist when I wriggle them. My breath comes in short pants and my water logged clothes make it hard to move much.

"It's all the *insert who's apparent fault it is here* fault" Idiot Villain spits the words into my face and I shrink away into the rough wood of the pillar I was tied to. I begin squirming my way out of the bonds as he continues to talk. "They are *insert reasons why they are horrible and evil here*"

CUT!

Just stop with the big speeches. YOU AREN'T MARRYING THEM! And there's literally no reason for the hero to realistically survive!

NO PLOT ARMOUR. ZILCH, NADA, NOPE. NONE. I want you in your birthday suit! Preferably guys because I'm bleeding and my hormones need calming. There will be no grandiose speeches or grand declarations of hate or life stories. I'm sorry to burst your antagonist's bubble but nobody gives a shit about their problems. The people following care about power and who has the most of it. Just kill the protagonist and be done with it.

NO SPEECHES. Unless your villain is the reanimated soul of Shakespeare corrupted by black magic, there is to be no grand speeches. Especially if the hero is trying to stall by making the antagonist start a fucking monologue.

"I don't have to blow your head off to kill you." she said, her hand steady as she aimed it at him. "I just need to hit a vital organ. Even if you manage to escape, there's nowhere to go."

"So if I'm good as dead, why can't you tell me why you're doing this."

"Well-"

CUT!

*Nisha storms into book*

Oy! Antagonist! I've raised you better than this! This protagonist isn't your fucking therapist okay? Stop talking to him like he's gonna magically sympathize and turn sides. This isn't Harleen Quinzel and you aren't the Joker. Kill him. Now.