How Not To F*** Up A Werewolf Story

My Dearest Moon

"AHHHHHH" he screamed, throwing his clipboard across the room. "This female werewolf has no spine! Bring me specimen #685,865!"

"Right away sir," his assistant said, bringing the she-wolf in. The scientist poked her back before sighing in frustration.

"This one has no backbone either!" he yelled, "What's happening to all these wolves? Are they all this stupid?"

"Excuse me sir, but I am a LUNA." The she-wolf he was examining snapped, "Show me some respect."

"You're a what?" he said, completely baffled.

"A Luna." She huffed, crossing her arms.

"What in science's name is that?" he said.

"A Luna is...a female Alpha." She said, "It's the name of my rank. I am the Alpha's mate and I rule beside him!"

"........why not call yourself an Alpha Female if you rule beside the Alpha Male?" he said, scratching his head. "That makes no sense. Where did the name Luna come from?"

"Uh...well...it's just like that okay?" she said, throwing up her arms, "I'm just the Luna! It doesn't have to make sense, it's just my title."

"Oh dear, I think this specimen has lost her mind..." he sighed, picking up his clipboard and slamming his face into it in despair.

^^I have to say me facepalming is common occurrence reading some Wattpad books I wonder how my glasses haven't broken yet. Actually I wonder how I still have a face o_O^^

Luna.

Honestly what even is this name? It's makes absolutely no sense and its purpose is stupid. First of all, it's the latin word for "moon" so why would the word moon be a rank when all the other ones are from the alphabet? Alpha is the first "rank" which makes sense since it is the first letter and Beta is the second "rank" which also makes sense because Beta comes after Alpha. It's common sense ya'll.

So tell me my little wolves, where in the fictional universe did Luna come from?

The only plausible explanation is that it was used as an endearment which makes sense. To all these werewolves who are so fixated on the moon (that's a myth real wolves aren't) calling your partner your moon (your "Luna") would be rather flattering because you're saying everyone should worship her. It could be used as an affectionate term or a nickname and it's logical.

But somehow along the way we've twisted it somewhere to have and Alpha and Beta (all male of course -_-) then a female Luna. What? Why? Like when did this happen? This is actually rather derogatory because they imply, okay its more than an implication now, that Luna's can only be female. Not once have I read a book where a "Luna" is a guy.

Furthermore, "traits" have been assigned to someone who is a Luna. They have to be all gentle and caring and submissive and basically have no backbone like the specimens above. Not only do we girls get a different rank, we're shoved in a box and told we have to be like what they think a "Luna" should be or we don't really fit. Why can't we be Alpha's as well? I shouldn't have to feel shock when I read a book like that, it should be a common occurrence now.

Now I have a skeleton to pick with you girls now.

Things just got real...

Okay lemme ask you a question, Luna. Where the fuck did your backbone go? What is wrong with you?

Like picture me, a poor girl reading your book (with Billy my psychotic unicorn) and getting excited because your character is intriguing and has spirit then she meets her mate and I feel like I just sat on a whoopee cushion because all their fight has left them and they've become whimpering damsels in distress and I'm just sitting there all ashamed I even liked her to begin with.

The number of times I have read a book where I genuinely admire the main character but she meets her mate and it's like those imfamous sparks *slowly pulls out fire hose* are suddenly transferring all your will and those good qualities into the air and you're left a dumb bimbo. Like suddenly you're all submissive and don't know how to do anything in life. Like I had such high expectations for you then you meet your mate and lose control of your brain because he's hot?

You want hot? I will burn you with my flamethrower and let's see if the sparks can save you now...

Okay I observe the weirdest things and will usually miss things in front of my nose but sometimes even I question the eyes of some girls on Wattpad. For example:

Your mate doesn't like to speak about his family and people are constantly whispering about his brother and how awful it was for her mate to be betrayed like that. Then she gets kidnapped by a guy who looks exactly like her mate but isn't is like.....oh I wonder who he is? I'm pretty sure everyone can draw the basic conclusion that they are at least related but NOPE, gonna just sit in this cell and do nothing except bitch about how cold it is and wondering why she finds the guy attractive?

There's naïve, and then there's plain dumb.

Like seriously, once all these girls meet their mate they just go starry-eyed and the brain cells just give up and go to Hawaii for a vacation FOREVER.

And there's a difference between being strong and being stupid.

If the guy tells you that the hunters are shooting with silver bullets outside and its too dangerous for you and you immediately run outside like a moron what did you expect? Not to get shot? Or probably her best friend is going to sacrifice his life for her because he's always secretly loved her? Hunter's didn't kill him sweetie, your inability to think did. Forget a 180, you just spun out of control from how stupid you are compared to the beginning of the book!

Here little brain cells...come out come out wherever you are....

Rarely do I come across a book where the Alpha is a female and if they are, the book is them finding a mate which is probably some broody sexy with fucking eighteen pack abs (I swear on my best friends grave that I saw a book where they said that...) with a "troubled" past and its them being slammed into walls (punch him in the throat girls, or ya know, rip it out.) and being the emotional punching bag as the guy tries to get his shit together. People have moved on from communication repellant to plot repellant with those ones.

We girls can be Alphas and Betas and we don't need some damn "Luna" position.

Call me Luna one more time and I'll rip your throat out, take over your pack and rule it by myself as an Alpha.

Yours Truly,

The Wolf Queen

Thought you needed a lighter rant to make you laugh! Comment if you liked it!