How Not To F*** Up A Werewolf Story

Irks and Quirks

"Too much detail" is a thing.

I understand if you want to start off a chapter in the morning and slowly lead into the action but seriously...

I don't need to know which muscles are being pulled when you stretch (the Deltoids)

I don't need to know how the carpet feels really soft under your feet (like a bunny's fur)

I don't need to know how your character showers (circular motions, pat dry)

I don't need to know your character's indecision over if she should wear a thong or normal underwear. (She chose the butt floss)

I don't need to know her angst over whether she should pick one pair of baggy sweatpants over the other (she chose black with pink rhinestones)

I don't need to know how she makes her messy bun (twist to the right and secure with rubber band)

I don't need to know how she brushes her teeth, or how many seconds she waited for her pop tart, what the tree looked like, and entire page of lyrics from the song playing on the radio just stop. Please stop.

You know how you can get rid of almost a page of useless information?

"After getting ready this morning I..."

I just saved you from abusing your poor fingers writing a bunch of random words. You have to realize when you're just filling the page so it looks like you wrote more when the actual story is like half a page.

Lemme hear you...purr?

This is a wolf.

This is a cat.

Cats can purr.

Wolves can not purr.

The vocal cords of a wolf are not genetically shaped in a way that allows them to purr. At all. Honestly why is this so hard to understand? Humans can purr because we're freaks but even our vocal cords aren't fully equipped to purr like an animal, we can just imitate it.

So stop writing that wolves can purr if you rub their stomach because they can't.

Stop. Starting. Off. Your. Morning. With. A. Godamned. Alarm. Clock.

I don't know about you but I tend to smash my alarm clocks. I'm the one who sets their alarm half an hour early so I can mumble five more minutes and roll over. The only reason I don't smash my alarm clock anymore is because I made it my phone. (Not because I'm addicted, because the Wattpad app is on it duh.)

Anyway in almost 99% of all those shitty books out there the main character is always waking up to a stupid alarm clock.

Can she not be battling space aliens or get woken up because she took a nap in math class? Like seriously? You're gonna wake up with that indestructible alarm clock Every. Single. Morning? 

Think of something different. Now.

Switching P.O.Vs

Let's get this straight.

When you write a book with alternate POV's and you literally copy paste and then switch around the "he said" "she said" and add in a couple horny thoughts for the guy...

We've got a problem...

See when you write alternate POV's you have to make it different. I will accept if they think about what happened. So maybe the two wolves are having fun and the guy trips the girl into the pool or something in HER pov. Then later they're stargazing or doing some other romantic mushy gushy stuff and he makes a comment about it then that's fine. Because they're two different events and it's only thoughts.

But when its copied WORD FOR WORD it get boring and repetitive and I will most likely skip it/fall asleep.

And do not get me started on the idiotic wankers who change POV's mid-chapter.

I will see you in hell.

Oh, and you are declined the invite to join Satan's Squad. Goodbye, I hope you get frostbite.

Those Pesky Bricks

I've run into walls before. I trip over nothing on a daily basis. But never have I ever seen a wall move. Not even in books. Not even in Narnia do you see walls move and everything happens in Narnia.

See hon, you get these things called glasses like I did so you can see. And usually if someone is 6ft tall you can see them moving through the hallway and even if you make that shitty "I was looking at my shoes" excuse it still doesn't make sense. If I can move through a crowd blindfolded without smacking into people, I'm sure you can handle five steps.

Just rereading this makes me question humanity.

Especially since you're feeling "sparks" from hitting this "wall" so either it's a human or you stuck your finger in an electric socket in the wall somehow please for the love of blackberries make up your mind.

And look up for a change.

Yours Truly,

The Wolf Queen

Random Stuff that annoys me. Hope I made you smile after last chapter....