I sat with everyone and watched some tv show. I didn't know what it was about, I swear I wasn't even in the room. I mentally and emotionally was not there. How could I have forgotten? He was the first man I really loved. I have been so oblivious. He finally found me and I ignored him. I decided to let go and forget about it for today. I snuggled up to Calle and he played with my hair.
"I want to fucking tear you apart." I laughed as Matt answered his phone. Such an amazing ringtone.
"Are you serious? Is this supposed to be a life lesson?" Matt's voice trembling as tears fell down his face. I watched in awe as this was the first time I had seen Matt cry.
"Alright. Next week, I will be there." Without another word he hung up and ran to his room slamming the door. I looke up at Calle,
"I will be right back." I murmered. I walked to Matt's room, my heart pounding. I knocked on the door,
"It's me." I said. He opened the door. His face red and tear stained, he took my hand and walked in his room shutting the door again. I saw a suitcase on his bed. I looked at him with sorrowful eyes.
"Matt what happened?" I asked looking for his sparkle in his eye. But the spark was dead. He didn't answer me. He held me close, the salty tears landing on my hair. I started to cry as well. I had never seen him like this. I looked up at him. He sat his forehead on mine and looked into my eyes.
"I have to go."
"What? Why." My stomach started to hurt. He sat a finger on my lips as I tried to protest more.
"I will be back." I shook my head and held myself. I just stared in his eyes. He sat a soft kiss on my lips. His eyes finally showed a little glint but nothing big.
"My mom-is gone." Another tear streamed from his eyes. Mine grew heavier. I held him in my arms again.
"It happens to everyone." I said in his chest. My wrists began to hurt. I moved back and lifted my sleeves. The scars, everytime I had cried. Everytime I was hurt. There was alot. I kept staring at my arm but finally said something.
"I remember when I lost my mom," Tears fall upon the scars.
"I thought I would never do anything again. I was done." Matt moved my hair away from my neck and traced the scar there.
"I remember when you were done," he uttered. "I was scared to death. I want to be done to."
I shook my head,
"You have Demetry, you have a wedding coming up." He gave a bit of s smile and nodded. We took eachothers faces and wiped eachothers pain, and sadness from our faces. What do I have left? I thought to myself. My heart started to be harder. I looked back at Matt.
"Can we be done together?" I asked. He looked at me and mouthed the word yes. He walked to his drawer and pulled out a leather pouch. Inside? Our knifes. Matt had a bit of a blank facial expression as he handed me mine. We flicked them open at the same time. He took my face in his hands. Kissed my forehead. Tears still streaming. My hand shaking, I was going to leave my life. Everyone I had ever known or loved. We lifted our hands to our necks. Matt's voice trembling,
"I'll see you on the other side?" He let a small smile. I nodded. Closed my eyes. Ready to let go of everything.
"3...2...1" We said in unison. I let go of my last breath.
