the weight of living; c.g.

[2.3]: ghost town

The ride to Atlanta was relatively happy, quiet chatter occurring throughout the truck. Grace sat in my lap as we drove and I played with her hair, not really joining in on the conversation. Carl sat next to me with Judith, but we didn't talk, our last argument still fresh in our minds.

Grace fell asleep after a while and I took to looking out the window at the passing scenery. As we entered the city, I watched the streets pass, full of biters but otherwise empty. It was a ghost town, for the most part.

"We're here." Abraham announced from the front seat as the truck came to a stop. One look from Michonne told Carl and I to stay put, which we did reluctantly.

As they walked out with guns drawn, battling the occasional biter, I pressed to the window, watching. Carl pushed next to me, wanting to see too. I let him in, both of our faces glued to the scene before us.

Rick walked out first, a defeated look on his face. Immediately, I expected the worst. Next came Tyreese pushing Carol in a wheelchair. I breathed out, seeing Carol alive. But then they moved, revealing Daryl with Beth's body. My eyes flicked to where Maggie collapsed, tears leaking out.

My hand went to my mouth, shocked at the way her body hung limp in his arms. I had come to terms with Beth being dead, but after hearing she was alive, a small hope had bloomed.

They stood out there a moment, Maggie crying hysterically at the sight of her sister, and everyone else staring in disbelief. I felt myself tear up a little, thinking about how that could just as easily be me crying over Grace, or even the other way around.

Carl and I sat there a moment, eyes wide at the tragic scene before us. He seemed just as shocked as I was, probably even more so because he knew her longer. In an attempt to be comforting, I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to convey sympathy. He jumped a little but otherwise ignored the gesture, still staring outside.

"What's happening?" Grace's small voice broke the silence like glass. She sat on the seat, holding Judith in her arms. Instantly, I moved back to where she was, sensing her confusion.

"Beth's dead. You remember her?" I was always honest with Grace, she deserved to know the truth. In a world like this, I couldn't afford to shelter her like I felt I should.

"That's bad. She was nice." She looked to the window, eyes becoming teary. I moved my head a little, blocking her view of the outside. I didn't want her to see Beth the way she was, lifeless and limp. However honest I was with her, there were some things she didn't need to see.

"Yeah, it's bad." I couldn't think of anything else to say to her that would give comfort. They were starting to walk back to the truck, hearts hanging heavy. As everyone filled back into the truck, the weight of what happened seemed to press down on us.

Even days later, the tragedy hung like a dark cloud in the air. We were living on the run, creating temporary camps wherever we went. Conversation was scarce, even between the closest people.

Things began to change the day that Rick came before the group and told us we had a new destination in mind. Noah, the boy from the hospital, knew of a community in Virginia where it might be safe. His family was there, so he also wanted to see if they were alive.

After initial rejection, the plan was set. Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Tyreese and Noah were going to check it out while the rest of us stayed behind and waited for the signal that it was safe.

Leaving us with a walkie-talkie, their group separated, going ahead in a car. Periodically we would get updates, like how far they were. Carol had responsibility for the communication, so I stuck near her.

"Are they almost there?" I asked her as I sat down on the log she was on. We were setting up camp next to the road, in a small woods clearing.

"Rick just radioed in. They're almost there." She informed me, setting the walkie-talkie down on the wood. I nodded and we sat there for a moment.

"I never asked what happened to you after the prison. How did you make it?" I spoke up with the question that had been burning on my tongue.

"I was with Tyreese," She began and continued after a small hesitation, "And Lizzie and Mika." I remembered the girls from the prison, the ones Grace was friends with, and that ran out on me when the attack happened.

"They didn't make it." Carol stared into the trees, a distant look in her eyes. I thought about how I let them go during the prison attack, how I could have made them come with me. Maybe they could have survived.

"It's not your fault." I put my hand on her shoulder. She blamed herself, I could see it in the way she looked into the woods.

"I wish it wasn't." She sighed, putting her head in her hands. I opened my mouth to speak, but the walkie-talkie crackled between us, causing her head to snap up.

"Carol, you copy?" Rick's voice came through the static. Carol picked up the device and held it to her mouth.

"We're here." She replied. I scooted a little closer to hear what he was saying on the other end.

"We made it. It's gone." I managed to hear his words before the static stopped, the connection ending. I exchanged a look with Carol, seeing my own tired eyes reflected in hers.

"I feel like we're never going to find a place." I sighed, propping my head up on my hands.

"You and me both." Carol echoed my sigh. Living on the run was survivable with a few people, but with all the people we had, it wasn't sustainable.