the weight of living; c.g.

[2.0]: the other side

In the morning, a solemn mood enveloped the room. The smell of blood still hung in the air, memories of last night's slaughter ingrained in the wood floors. I sat up, hair tangled and in my face.

Seeming more frequent were the nightmares that appeared in my sleep. They always seemed to end the same, with Grace dead in my arms. This time, it was that man Gareth who did it. In my dream, Rick and the rest never came to save us. They burst into the small room, shooting haphazardly. Somehow I survived, but Grace's bullet ridden body fell into my arms.

I felt like I could still hear the fire of their guns, ringing in my head. Grace's soft breathing on the pew next to me soothed my beating heart. Slowly but surely, my panting breath turned to normal.

"Bridget." Maggie said behind me, in the doorway of the small room. I pushed myself to my feet, turning to face her.

"Do you want to say goodbye to Bob?" She leaned on the doorframe, fiddling with her fingers. He was succumbing to his bite, his life waning away. I didn't know him that well, but I felt like I should say something to him before he goes.

"Sure." I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans. For a second, I considered waking Grace up and taking her with me, but she looked peaceful so I left her. I brushed past Maggie in the doorway, giving her a supportive smile as I passed.

Bob was lying on the sofa, sweat coating his face. I knelt next to the sofa, coming to his eye-level.

"Hey." I started, trying to keep up a sympathetic smile.

"This really sucks, doesn't it." I continued, feeling a little awkward.

"It does. I'm glad it's only me." He had a sad smile.

"Does it hurt?" I questioned, eyes trying to meet his.

"I wish I could say it didn't." He replied. The conversation descended into silence for a bit, my eyes glued to the bite on his shoulder.

"Do you think there's something beyond this?" I broke the silence, blurting out the question.

"An afterlife? I think so." He thought about it for a moment.

"Then I hope you get there. I hope it's a good place." I managed a smile.

"We'll all get there. Hopefully, the rest of you will come a lot later." I was baffled by his positive outlook at a time like this. But I pushed that aside.

"I hope so too. Good luck in the afterlife." I started get up, feeling the beginnings of tears in my eyes.

"See you on the other side." He gave me a resigned smile from where he lay. I gave a halfhearted wave before leaving the room. With my sleeve, I wiped the tears from under my eyes. I made eye contact with Carl as I walked out, making me even more eager to get of rid of the fact that I was crying.

To distract myself from Bob, I went to help everyone pack the church bus. Abraham, Rosita, Eugene, Tara, Glenn and Maggie were leaving for Washington. The rest of us were staying to wait for Daryl and Carol, who were missing. I wasn't too worried because they were both strong, but there was always the possibility that they could be gone.

"Are we leaving?" Grace's voice was small behind me, her hand tugging at the hem of my army jacket to get my attention.

"Not yet. We have to wait for Daryl and Carol. This group is leaving early." I gestured to where they were standing, looking over course details.

"Why do they have to go?" She was confused. I knew she had taken a liking to Rosita and Tara, often helping them with small tasks.

"They're going to find a safe place." I paused, looking down at her. She bit her lip, glancing over at where the group stood.

"Do I have time to draw a picture?" She asked, still staring at the group.

"I think so." I answered and went back to packing a supply bag. She nodded and ran back into the church to get her markers and paper.

After preparing the bus, the departing group began saying goodbyes. Grace finished her picture just in time, running out to give it to them.

"I made it for you." Grace held out the piece of paper to Rosita, her favorite of the group. Rosita took it, smiling all the while.

"This is amazing. I'll cherish it." Rosita was crouched down at Grace's eye level. Grace wrapped her arms around Rosita, the latter reciprocating the action. I tore my eyes away, making eye contact with Maggie, the only person I hadn't said goodbye to yet. She was the person I was saddest to see go.

"Stay safe out there." I remarked as she pulled me in for a hug.

"Same to you." She patted my back as we hugged. After a second, we pulled apart and I tried to give a reassuring smile.

"I'll see you soon, if it all works out." I stuck my hands in the pockets of my jacket, staring up at Maggie.

"I hope so too. Take care of your wound for me, okay?" Maggie gestured to my injured shoulder, which still felt sore.

"I will. Don't worry." I suddenly felt sad, watching them go. She gave me one last wave before heading into the bus, where most of the D.C. group was waiting.

Grace rejoined me as the bus drove away, leaving a cloud of dust behind. Her hand found mine as she teared up, already missing them.

"We'll see them again. Now, let's go back inside." I tugged at her hand and after a moment, she followed me back into the church. It seemed quieter now, and much more empty. Rick and Tyreese were outside, digging graves for the people they had killed last night. The remaining members of the group were silent, doing various small tasks.

"Here. I'll read to you." I pulled the Bible from under the pew I had slept next to. Grace sat next to me, head leaning onto my shoulder. I flipped open the book, reading from the very beginning. It wasn't the most ideal material to read a child, but it would have to make do.

After a while, I noticed that Grace was falling asleep. Gently, I moved my shoulder out from under her head, letting her lie down on the pew. I pushed myself up, careful not to disturb her. I made my way to the small room, where the medical supplies were.

"What do you want?" Carl was in the room, feeding Judith, when I walked in. His tone was demanding, but curious at the same time.

"I'm just getting a new bandage for my shoulder." I narrowed my eyes at him, rummaging through the drawer until I found what I was looking for.

"Do you, uh, need help putting it on?" His question was unexpected, especially after the hostile tone he had used earlier. In fact, I did need help, as it was hard to wrap my shoulder properly with only one hand.

"Yeah, I do." I admitted. He finished feeding Judith and set her down in her makeshift crib. I handed him the roll of gauze, shrugging off my jacket afterwards. With my free hand, I pulled off the old bandage, dropping it on the floor for now.

"Tell me if it's too tight." He hesitated before beginning to wrap it. We were uncomfortable close to each other, him focusing on my shoulder while I tried to look anywhere that wasn't him. I could feel his breath on my face as he finished bandaging.

"Is that okay?" He asked, making awkward eye contact with me. I averted my eyes quickly, pretending to take an interest in my shoulder.

"Seems fine. Thanks." I answered shortly, turning around to put the gauze roll in my drawer again. I picked up my jacket from the floor, slipping it on. As I left the room, I let myself look back one more time, to see Carl still watching me. Feeling a strange sense of embarrassment, I forced myself to look forward.

That whole interaction left me confused, even more than I was before. It was easy to dislike Carl when he lashed out at me, but he just had to add in moments where he acted like he cared. I plopped down in a pew, putting my head in my hands, giving up on trying to find the sense behind his behavior.