the weight of living; c.g.

[0.6]: lonely

That day, at lunch, Grace told me she was going to sit with Lizzie and Mika. They were all growing to be fast friends, as I hoped.

But without Grace, I had no one to be with. I would sit with Carol, but Rick and Judith and Carl sit with her, and I didn't want to face that. Who knew that simply calming a baby down would cause a problem like this?

After receiving my plate, I slipped into the shadows of the prison, away from the tables. Successfully, I made it back to my cell, where I finished my food in peace.

On my mattress, I laid on my back, letting myself drift in and out of consciousness. The amount of free time I had now was almost too much, too much time to think. I found myself thinking about the past, before.

Flashes of my old life burned on the back of my eyes, the people I lost showing up with every blink. My mom's sad smile, my dad's screaming, and faintly, a baby crying. I sat up, shaking my head, trying to get the thoughts out, away.

"Hey, Bridget, are you in there?" A soft voice, Beth's, came from just across the sheet. I got up, still shaken, and draw the sheet to the side, seeing the older girl.

"I wanted to see if you were okay. We missed you at lunch." There was genuine concern in her blue eyes. I couldn't look her in the face.

"I'm fine. I just felt like eating in here." I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. She was buying it, from the look on her face. I felt like she could see right through me.

"Do you want to come watch Judith with me? I have to look over her for a few hours." Beth offered.

"I, uh, I'm okay. Thanks for asking." I let the sheet fall in between us, leaving me alone. I heard her sigh and leave.

I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I knew I couldn't be near Judith again, not for a while. I didn't want to get reprimanded by Carl again.

I laid on the mattress for a while, wondering how I went from fearless to hiding in just a day. I couldn't just stay in here forever. I needed to go do something, whatever I could.

The fences were looking worse, but there were too many people down there, I would just get in the way. I decided to find Carol, to see if she had anything for me to do.

"Carol!" I spotted her across the asphalt, looking at some plants growing in planters next to the building.

"Bridget? Where were you at lunch?" Carol stood up straight from where she had been crouching near the planters.

"I was eating in my room. But that's not important. What can I do around here? To help." I got right to business, not wanting to explain my whereabouts any further.

"You should relax. You only got here yesterday, you must still be tired." She said.

"I'm tired of sitting in the cell. I've done enough of it already. I need to do something." I was growing agitated.

"Listen, Rick told me you were acting strange earlier. I think you need to rest." Carol folded her arms.

"You don't know what happened earlier. I don't need rest." I narrowed my eyes, irritation boiling up in me.

"Bridget, you need to calm down." Carol glanced at my clenched hands and narrow eyes. She looked a little scared, or at least worried.

Suddenly, I felt bad for making her feel like that. I knew I was being stupid and hot-headed and all the things I tried not to be. She was just trying to make sure I was okay.

"I'm sorry." My gaze dropped to the cracked asphalt, where small weeds were growing.

"Hey, it's okay. You can come pull weeds with me." Carol put an arm around my shoulder, giving me a comfortable embrace. I leaned into it, letting myself relax for a minute. Then, she handed my some gloves and we got to work pulling. We worked in silence for a while, but I saw Carol looking over at me frequently, like she wanted to say something.

"What happened earlier today?" She finally asked. I was tempted to pretend I had no idea what she was talking about, but her eyes were piercing me. I had to tell someone. Quickly, I recounted the encounter to her, not able to make eye contact the whole time.

"Don't listen to him. He's just lonely and lashed out." Carol ripped a weed from the plant bed and tossed it in the bucket behind us.

"Just like someone else I know." She glanced at me, a coy smile on her lips.

"I'm nothin' like him." I focused on yanking out weeds.

"You're both lonely. I can tell that from a mile away. You two would be good friends, if you'd give it a chance."

"Hey, I'm not the problem. He's the one who decided to yell at me." I pulled out another weed angrily, dirt flying everywhere.

We worked until dinnertime, the dirt on me feeling satisfying, like I did something productive. I assumed Grace was sitting with the other girls again, so I mustered up the courage to follow Carol to the table. At least only Daryl was there, so he and Carol started having a conversation. Soon, Hershel sat down, followed by Maggie and Glenn. Beth sat down after, across from me.

"Hey, Beth. I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. I was in a bad mood." I caught her gaze guiltily.

"It's okay. I know you just got here, you're still gettin' used to life here." Beth smiled in understanding. I gave her a small smile and went back to eating my dinner. I tried to eat fast, so I could go before Carl sat down.

I had no such luck, as he and his father, holding Judith, sat down at the other end of the table. I instantly felt him looking at me, like he was burning a hole through me. Without glancing over, I finished my dinner and stood up, almost too abruptly.

"Where are you going? Dinner just started." Carol turned to me.

"I finished already." I picked up my plate and started walking away, allowing myself one last look back, where I met Carl's stare. Again, I felt the chilling feeling and snapped my gaze away, walking faster.