the weight of living; c.g.

[0.4]: fitting in

When I woke up, the sun seemed to stream through the sheet over the doorway. There wasn't much noise outside the cell. I usually woke up early anyway, so this wasn't different for me. I decided to explore a little before Grace woke up, so I could get a feel of the place. My hand immediately went to check if my knife was in its sheath, which thankfully it was. I had decided to keep my machete in the cell, so I wouldn't scare everyone by carrying around the bloody thing, as I hadn't had time to clean it.

There were only a few people out at this time of morning. I remembered Carol's introductions, and identified Glenn as the man standing on guard on the watch tower. Out in the field, there were two people checking out the crops, but they were too far away to distinguish.

My eyes were immediately drawn to the fence, where biters pushed against it in clusters. The people here didn't seem too worried by it, so I assumed it was a normal thing. In the back of my mind, I put it on my list of things to ask about.

I didn't want to go back to the cell, so I walked to the fence where a few biters futilely clawed the chain link. It was strange to stand so close to them, but not having to defend yourself. Up close, they looked even worse, skin peeling off, bone showing underneath, the whole decomposing smell. They didn't look anything like human.

"Hey kid, what're you doing?" I heard someone behind me say. Hand on my knife, I whipped around to see Daryl, the quiet guy.

"Looking." I decided to keep it simple. There was really no explanation for my behavior that wouldn't make me seem crazy.

"Alright. Just makin' sure you're okay." He hoisted his crossbow higher up on his shoulder and kept walking. Before he could get too far away, I called out his name.

"Daryl! Is there anything I can help with?" I made a last minute decision to ask. I felt jittery sitting around here, with nothing to do.

"If yer feeling up to it, you can kill some of those walkers through the fence. Relieves pressure on it." He turned and replied. I looked back at the fence, where several biters press against.

"Thanks." I replied, eyeing a foot long metal rod near the bottom of the fence. He kept walking and I went to retrieve the rod. I weighed it in my hands, getting a feel for the weapon.

Holding it like a knife, I pushed into one of the biter's skulls through the chain link, making it drop to the ground. Blood spurted out, adding to the layer of grime I already had on my skin and clothes.

Oddly enough, the process was calming. It felt productive, just physical enough to get that adrenaline pumping. I felt the familiar wary feeling creeping back into me, and I welcomed it.

I didn't keep count of how many biters I killed as I moved down the fence, making a perimeter of the yard. I must've looked blood-thirsty, stabbing frequently, dark blood splattering my clothes.

"Bridget?" I heard the familiar sound of Carol's voice. Bloody rod in hand, I turned to see her walking through the yard towards me.

"I was looking for you. Daryl told me you were down here." She came to a stop about five feet away, eyeing the rod in my blood-stained hands.

"Did you need me for something?" I dropped the rod into the dirt and wiped my grimy hands on my jeans, the dirty streaks blending into the many others smeared there.

"It's time for breakfast. I thought you might want to get your sister and come eat with me." Her eyes were kind, the kindest I've seen recently. The fact that she thought to find me made tears well up a little. Being wanted somewhere after so long felt good.

"I'll go get Grace." I grinned, the action coming natural for once. I took off running for the prison, feeling like I belonged.

Once I got back to the cell, I found Grace awake, cleaning her knife. She looked up when I came in and put her knife into it's sheath.

"Is it time for breakfast?" She stood up from where she had been kneeling, brushing dust off her knees.

I nodded in response, grabbing my jacket off the bed where I left it. Covering the blood on my arms, I put it on and zipped it up, concealing the grimy tank top I had on. I wondered if they had spare clothes for us, to get out of the ones we've been wearing for months.

"Let's go." I extended my hand to Grace, which she willingly took, her small warm hands against my cold ones.

As we arrived at the dining area, I look around for Carol, finding her sitting at a table with Daryl and Hershel, the old man she briefly introduced me to yesterday. Next to him was a blonde girl, only a few years older than me, presumably his daughter Beth, that I hadn't seen but Carol mentioned.

"Bridget, Grace!" Carol called to us after we got our food, waving us over to the table. There was a space beside her that we sat in, Grace between us with me at the end of the table.

"Beth, this is Bridget and her sister Grace. Girls, meet Beth." Carol introduced us as we sat. 

"Nice to meet ya." Beth had a sweet tone to her voice, a comforting Southern accent. I returned the sentiment, Grace echoing my words. The plate of food ahead of me was too tempting to continue talking.

Conversation went on around me as more people sat down, like Glenn and Maggie, who was also Hershel's daughter. Eventually Rick sat down, and I heard a noise I hadn't heard in a long time. A baby's laughter.

I looked up immediately to see him holding a baby, the one he mentioned when I met him. It had been so long since I saw a baby, not since it all started.

"It's been a while since you've seen a baby, hasn't it?" Rick caught me staring and grinned. I simply nodded, stupefied by this baby's innocence. It reminded me of better times, sending me off into flashback territory. I shook it off, gripping my silverware a little harder.

"There's story time for kids in the library today. Would you and Grace like to join us then?" Carol changed the subject, seeing my discomfort. I looked to Grace, having a silent exchange with her about if she wanted to go.

"Grace would love to go." I knew Grace was shy around people, so I was used to relaying her answers. Carol smiled at us, and then joined the table conversation again.

Grace and I finished eating quick, excusing ourselves early on. After saying goodbye, we went back to the cell. I sat down on my mattress again, Grace beside me.

"I was thinking. You should be playing with the kids your age. It'll be good for you." I looked sideways at her. She needed to interact with someone who wasn't me.

"But I like being with you." Grace was staring at the ground, tracing circles in the dusty floor with her foot.

"Sometimes you gotta expose yourself to other people. It'll be fun for you. I saw some other girls your age, they looked like they were having lots of fun."

"I'll try." Grace gave up pretty easily. She usually did what I told her, as I was usually right.

A knock sounded on the wall outside our cell. I stood up immediately and went to the curtain. It was only Beth, carrying clothes in her hands.

"I thought you two would need some new clothes. I guessed on the sizes, so I'm sorry if they're too big or small." She extended her arms, allowing me to take the clothing.

"Thank you." I smiled, and she nodded, waving as she walked away. I turned around to Grace and handed her the clothes that seemed to be hers. I found my outfit and pulled it on quick. It was pretty similar to what I normally wear, just black jeans and a gray tank top. My army jacket was dirty, but I wore it anyway. I got it off a dead soldier we found a year ago, and it was comfortable so I kept it.

"Can we go explore now?" Grace has changed into her new clothes already, a pair of blue jeans and a pink t shirt. She looked almost like a normal kid, if you didn't look at the knife she had hanging from her belt.

"Yeah, let's go." I decided to pack my machete today, clipping it to my belt. It might be useful for stabbing biters through the fence.