Love In The Prison [BoyxBoy]

When Love Finds Its Way

It has been a whole year since Jag got out of the hospital and it has been a tough year. The challenges we came over, with Jag not being able to properly see were really hard at the beginning. There were a lot of ups and downs, a lot. It was frustrating and heartbreaking seeing him being so down and feeling so lost because of his disability to see properly. 

I really wish i could fix it and help him somehow. But it was really hard, and i didn't know what else to do other than just help him, be patient and be there for him. Giving him love and patience. 

I really love this man and i can't afford to watch him break down as he did and go through any more shit than he already has been through. No one deserves to be through so much suffering and pain. I just hope that everything he has been through until now, will not be for nothing. That great things will open up for him and happen to him.

Nobody said it was going to be easy, and hell it was hard. There was a lot of cursing and swearing, crying and sweating through blood and tears. It was a mess, especially the first weeks, where Jag had to get used to everything from the scratch because he wasn't able to use his eyes anymore. And him getting used to the idea of never being able to properly see again took a great toll on him. 

He was a great mess, and hearing his silent sobs in the night while he thought that i wasn't around, was horrible. It broke my heart to sit outside his door and hear his silent cries as he was begging God, whom he never prayed to and believed in before, to cure him. To make the nightmare go away. That he was sorry for his sins and for everything wrong that he did. For being born into this world. Damn it was so hard to listen to all of this. 

But now, as time has passed and Jag got somehow used to his condition and his current life it got a lot better. He is still a little held back and curled in his own shell, but it seems like he's doing much better now. I'm just happy that he's better now. 

God it was tuff. I was both angry and frustrated with his behaviour, but who was i to blame him when he was in such a position. But then i figure after some time that i couldn't hold up with his whiny self, because that wasn't him. That's not the Jag i know. 

And one day i just, exploded. I told him everything that i had on my mind and heart. And he was angry and irritated at me, which made me regret for a second until i shook the feeling off. No matter how much i love him, i just can't let him down like that. I can't let himself break down and shut himself off. No matter what happens in life, you have got to keep on living and fighting. Make the best out of it. This isn't the end. 

There are so many things in life that we still haven't got to do together, and there are still so many things that we have to experience together. I know it changes a few plans when it comes to seeing things, but it still doesn't change the fact that we can still experience things together. Yes, sometimes it's hard to imagine that it's not the end if you can't see something anymore. But that's the thing. So many things in life doesn't need eyes, you don't have to see in order to experience. You have to feel it. Some things in life just have to be felt, because no matter how many times you watch a thing, nothing will come out of it if you don't feel it. 

If you feel nothing watching something, then there is no point. It doesn't stay with you. But when you feel something with your heart, it warms you up, it stays with you forever. And that is what I want to do with Jag. I want to feel things with him, experience. To make his heart beat strongly and wildly. 

To make him enjoy and love life. 

"Austin?" I turned around watching my love make his way to me. 

"Yes, i'm here Jag" i told him making his head tilt slightly up and to the side as he catched the sound of my voice before making his way over to where i was standing by the window.