Close to you

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I didn't know for how long i was sitting here outside Jag's room waiting and hoping. Hoping for what? For him to get better? For him to return to me? Or hoping that he wouldn't return to that Sebastian guy?

I shook my head. I couldn't be thinking things like that when he was lying there in the hospital bed. But i couldn't stop myself not doing that either. It was hard. And i was confused and hurt. I was in pain.

Who would he choose? Why did he come to me if he was happy with Sebastian? I mean, that was Jag wasn't it? I mean i couldn't have mistaken it could I?

I suddently got this weird eary feeling in me that i could possibly have made a major mistake about thinking that i saw Jag with Sebastian and accusing him of cheating on me. I mean, he wasn't really that kind of guy. I know him.

But do i really know him that well? I shook my head and mentally slapped myself. Gosh, i really am going crazy for doubting and judging Jag like that. How can i even think things like that about him?

I love him. I really do. And right now, i just hope that everything turns out well with him. I can't wait to see his face again, to see his smile, to feel his lips and to breath in his scent. To feel him safe in my arms. I miss that. I miss having him around me and beside me. Knowing he was safe and sound by my side.

I took in a deep breath and stared at the white door where Jag was sleeping with the doctors probably doing things to him and checking him.

I wish i could be beside him. I wish I could hold his hand and tell him that everything would be okay. That they would be together and that he would get better soon.

I wish i could tell him everything. I wish I could show him all of me and tell him about how much i love him. Even if he knew, i wanted him to hear it even if he got sick of it. Which i hope he wouldn't, but i want to shower him in my love and comfort. I want him to know that i will always be there for him and with him. No matter what. Through thick and thin.

I hope he didn't misunderstand the relationship between Leona and I. There was nothing between us, and i never liked or love her. Sure, i liked her as a friend, but nothing more.

Her kissing me? That was a total surprise to me, maybe not too much but it was still a surprise because i didn't imagine her as that type to just kiss people. I always thought she was the silent goody goody-two shoes girl. She always did what her parents wanted her to do, always obeyed and always was the good girl.

Until she saw Jag, until she ruined him like that.

I clenched my hands feeling anger boil and build up in me thinking about what she did to him. How she reacted and how evil and jealous she could get. I was never hers to begin with. So i couldn't understand why she reacted that way, and why she injured him like that.

How could she attack him when he didn't even do anything to her? How could she act so violently and aggressivly? I wish she could have hit me instead. Why Jag? Why that beautiful boy that did nothing wrong?

He had already suffered enough in his life...why did he deserve more? But that's the point...he didn't deserve any of the bad things happening to him. He derserved only better.

I have to make him see the beautiful things in life...see...Oh God.

I bit my lips feeling my eyes blurry from the tears in them before i closed them covering my face with my hands. I breathed in and out trying to relax myself. I still can't cope with the fact that Jag won't be able to see normally again.

I clenched my hands feeling tears soak my face and drip down my chin. My beautiful Jag. My beautiful beautiful sweet Jag. He won't be able to see the beauty around him anymore. He won't be able to see me. He won't be able to...Gosh, why did it have to happen to him?

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