Vault 536

Recovered Thoughts

These are thoughts in my mind

Gosh darn it Gwen!
Why did she ask me that question?
Does she know?
Is she hinting something?
She has gotten me confused
(She asked me how would I know if I had a crush on someone, and it started the chain of events that led to me crushing on her.)

Her story topic
"Bakit crush ako ng crush ko"
My thought process
"She knows I have a crush on her... but I don't think it would make any sense for her to crush on me. And this is giving me unnecessary hope that she'll like me back. (Was she dropping a hint? Or was it my imagination? These things should be obvious to me!)

I keep calling Cher a certain term of affection/endearment (love...) I guess it's because I think of her as a sister? Because I keep helping her out when she asks questions? That makes two sort of sisters... awesome

Why am I so nervous around her... I don't understand. She's the inspiration for my confidence, but when I see her, that fades... I'm trying to be confident for her, but I can never keep a straight face around her...

I'm afraid of her, and the emotions she can make me feel. I know it isn't mutual. But when she catches me looking at her, she says nothing. I even caught her looking at me while I was laughing, it made me feel more confused. She said that she was guilty for having a picture with her crush, and I didn't understand. She should be happy, but she felt blank...

It's showing me little details that seem to add up, even if I know that they're just coincidental, I keep making connections, and it's too much. The only experience I had involving a girl that I liked was depressing, and all my past experiences were failures and my own mistakes. What will I do...

This is something that I thought should be here too

Something I answered on my account. If you want, you could ask me stuff there, I would love to answer.

After the class Christmas party
I gave her a gift... I left a note there, but it fell off... I planned to tell her something, but I couldn't muster the words. Why does she always get me flustered?

Before her Informative Report about make-up
She was telling me about her planned speech... I assumed she was nervous because of the speech... was I wrong? Maybe she was nervous around me? That would be surprising.

What if
We were dared to play the pocky game and we accepted... just imagining her in front of me makes me nervous... if that actually happens... I'd freeze up

She's online
Should I? I'm hesitant to greet her
.. I'll do it... commitment, right?
I can't... I'm too nervous... maybe at home... I did it...

I got too nervous about this...

I can't... I don't know what to say to her... it's too flat. There is no friendly intimacy. I don't know what to do...