Diary Of A Suicidal Teen

Mother's Entry

You know, I expected her to try to kill herself, but I never expected her to go this far and ensure her death. I never even realised how badly her father and I impacted on her life, and I wish there was a way to turn the clock to change it all, but it's just not possible.

I know it's probably bad that I read her journal, and am now writing in it, but I didn't know what to do. Her funeral was earlier today, and I had to get my output somewhere, and I couldn't talk to my husband. He locked himself in his car.

It's now that I realize that I have been extremely worse at parenting her than I thought possible. I wish it all happened differently. Now, as I sit in her room, I see everything. Pictures of her drawings. She was always incredibly talented with art. There were pictures of what I guessed to be her forearm where there were cut marks oozing blood along with last scars. Pictures of weapons as she seemed to draw what she thought it looked like as she tried to kill herself. There were notes tapped on the walls that were written to her father and I to get her stress out to us how much she hated us, but at the end of one or two, I saw where she erased on the pages saying she actually did love us.

When I think about it, I feel like she purposely left everything up for us to see. So we would be able to see how horrible her life was to her. Somewhere, she wrote a note to us that had her goodbyes to us. I can't help but cry when I think of her. As a child she loved to play and sing and dance. When she was a teenager, that was when she stopped studying as much and locked herself off. I remember the day when Jason talked to us about her.

"Hey, I hate to ask, but what has been going on with your daughter?" he nervously scratched the batch of his neck.

"What do you mean?" I asked, taking a drink of my tea when my husband looked up from his newspaper.

"She hasn't been the same. She changed, stopped asking me to study and hang out. She's closed herself off.

"I don't know what you're talking about,"my husband gripped.

"Honey, I've noticed it to. We have no idea what's going on. Maybe it's just her going into a different route to change herself? She'll come around eventually."

"I guess you're right. I've gotta go. The library is closing soon and I need to pick up some books for a book report. See ya," and with that, he left.

I need to make dinner and clean the house now..I guess. It helps me to partially get my mind off things,and hopefully it will work.

Goodbye.