Diary Of A Suicidal Teen

July 14,2013

So,my mother bought me this diary,and I don't really even know what I'm supposed to do with this thing. My mother knows my problems,and tried to get me help. None of it worked. She only thinks I'm depressed, she doesn't know all of it, not even half. I'm starting to get to her about it. Maybe this was her last way she could think of to help me? I honestly have no idea.

So now,I guess I will try this out. I guess I'm supposed to write my feelings in here to try to get myself to stop cutting,and attempting?

So,my first attempt was when I was eight. I got into my parents pills and took about nine before sticking them back and waited for the effect of death to wash over me.

I guess it didn't work.

When I was ten,I tried by drinking some poison. Again,I beat death. It was like God wouldn't take my offering,like he wanted me to make more of myself. Maybe he was trying to tell me to stop, to make my life worth while. But that wouldn't happen. I would never stop trying. I hate my life. Want to know why?

When I was still a young child,my parents would beat me,and my father used me as a sex toy. They always told me I was a mistake. I wasn't supposed to be here. The only reason I was around was be course of a small hole in a condemn. They wish they would have aborted me. Little did they know how that would have affected me in the future.

When they found I was suicidal,they tried to apologize and take it all back,but I could never forgive them. I tried to block them from me,the only time I came out from my room was for food or drinks,but I went less,only to re-fill my mini fridge and box on top of it. I had a master suite so that was fine. I already kept my cutting knife hidden under my mattress. Pus,there was school,so I would lock the door to my room and leave wearing a jacket or long sleeve.

No matter what can happen,my life will not get better.

You know,I was staring to like my one and only friend,Jason,but I reminded myself I can't get to close. There would be a time where I will finally succeed with my death and get to finally be happy for once.

Now,my parents are trying to get into my room,so I have to put this diary into a hiding place,and scream my head off at them. Again.

Goodbye.

-Lacy