Inane Verbiage

VII

Sure enough, when my eyes blearily blink open to the streams of sunlight from the French windows the next day, Eros's hand is happily resting on my right breast.

 I probably scream loud enough to wake the dead.

 It sure wakes said pervert though (or maybe my kicking him off the bed did. Same difference), who snaps an irritated "what the hell?" as he groans and rubs his eyes groggily, sitting up. "What is wrong with you?"

 "What is wrong with you?" I retort, shielding my chest. "You groped me, you eejit!"

 He blinks up at me in confusion. "I did?"

 I scowl. "What do you think, you perverse arse?"

 "…oh." A smirk graces his face in an instant. "Well. It mustn't have been anything special if I don't remember doing th- ow!" he rubs the place where I'd smacked him furiously. "That hurt, Toilet Girl!"

 "You should have known better than to make comments on someone's chest size then, Diaper Boy," I snap back, rolling my eyes. "It's not as though you have much to compare me to anyway, considering the fact that female unicorns still follow you around."

 Eros's face drains of colour as he stares at me, aghast. "H-how do you know about that?" 

Wait what "you're still a virgin?!" I nearly bust a gut laughing. "I was only kidding when I said that - you mean it's true? Oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness you're a bloody two-thousand-year-old virgin." 

The colour rushes back to Eros's face at full blast. "S-shut up."

 That's easier said than done - I spend the next five minutes rolling on the ground in laughter as Eros sulks on the bed.

 "W-why?" I finally manage to choke out, wiping tears from my eyes. "I'm sure there are more than enough females willing to help you out, looking at the way the female pirates out there keep shooting you looks of undisguised lust."

 Eros looks faintly alarmed at that (wait he never noticed..?), so I rush to add, "or if you're batting for the other team I'm sure Goldbeard would love to go on a romp with you, for one."

 "His name's Tom." 

I blink. "Wait what?"

 Eros lets out an exaggerated sigh, flushing further. "Goldbeard's name is Tom."

 "Oh." I cant help but blink again. "Well. That's a start, then. Now that you know his real name, you can easily move on to the seducing stage."

 Eros gives me a bewildered look, which makes me confused. "Why would I want to do that?"

 "Aren't you gay?" I ask, perplexed. 

"What? No!" if I thought that Eros had been scarlet before... well. That was nothing (absolutely nothing) compared to the red he turns now. "I'm not- not- no!" 

"Huh." I make a noncommittal sound in response. "Why are you still a virgin then? If it's not because of your fervent struggle to deny your own sexuality from yourself then?"

 He flushes yet another shade darker (a feat unto itself considering the fact that I thought he could not possibly turn any redder) and mumbles a string of unintelligible words. 

"Sorry what?" I lean closer, noting in amusement at how he fidgets uncomfortably. 

"I'm waiting for my Psyche to come." he mutters in a voice so low I pretty sure I wouldn't have heard it if I weren't listening so closely, before flopping stomach-down onto the bed and hiding his flaming face in the pillows.