Inane Verbiage

II

I scream.

 Loudly.

The spray can drops to the ground, forgotten, as I resolutely focus my eyes on his bare arms and continue hollering my lungs out. After all, there really wasn't anything else I could do when my brain pretty much short-circuited from the traumatizing sight, anyway. It's a miracle I don't have a heart attack and pop over to the Underworld there and then, really.

Naked Insecticide Man doesn't seem to get that though, because the furrows between his brows deepen as he flops onto my bed, crosses his arms behind his head and glares at me irritably. "Can you be quiet, woman?" He growls, his accent part British and part nothing-like-I've-ever-heard-before.

 My eyes flick down involuntarily.

...I scream louder.

"Latrina! What happened?" A door outside slams shut and the sound of frantic footsteps draws closer. Oh crap. 

"Uhh..." My mouth snaps shut as my gaze darts between the open door and Insecticide Man. What am I supposed to say - that a naked man just popped up in my bedroom via a can of insecticide and violated my innocent eyes? Yeah, because everyone would believe that when said person is reclining on my bed like he'd done it a hundred times before. Bleep. I gulp and shut the door hurriedly, shooting the figure on my bed a warning look. "No dad!" I call back, the tremor in my voice fooling no one. "I just fell down and... landed on a... spider, that's all!"

"Really?" Dad sounds closer this time, and my eyes widen in panic.

 "Y-yeah!" Mr. Insecticide smirks at my panicked reply, and I forcefully squash down the urge to scream rape and have Dad send an entire legion of the dead after him. "Nothing at all!"

 "Okay." I hear the shrug in Dad's voice and heave a silent sigh of relief, slumping against the locked door as the sound of footsteps fade away.

 "So eager to get the two of us alone, huh?" That arrogant voice (and that remark - what is his problem?) cuts through my thoughts. I jolt out of my reverie at that - I'd actually forgotten about his existence. 

"Shut it," I snap irritably in reply, glaring at the intruder (who was still unclothed, dammit!). My gaze drops down intentionally again, and I feel myself turning red. Doesn't he have a single shred of modesty at all? "And cover up!"

"Sure," he drawls, slowly pulling my blanket up his thighs. "Don't try pretending though - both you and I know how much you enjoy looking at my big-"

 "Just cover up!" I cut him off hurriedly, nearly shrieking as I hide my flaming face in my hands and whirl around.

 "Yes, woman." I can practically hear the eyeroll in his voice as he lets out a sigh of annoyance. "There's no need to be such a prude, you know? There's nothing wrong with some good old-"

 "And don't use my blankets!" 

Another sigh and a soft snap.

 "Better?"

I turn around at that, peeking through my fingers warily. I spot cloth on his now-standing body (at last!) and finally lower my hands in relief, flushed cheeks slowly returning to their original colour in the cool air.

 Not that that feeling lasts long anyway, because the dress shirt he'd snapped on (literally) clings to his body most indecently and brings out his forest-green eyes and I realize for the first time (something I note with growing horror) that Insecticide Man actually looks around my age, and with his lean muscular frame and chiseled features he is actually kind of... hot.