Title: Happy Days
Author: Frojay
Genre: Romance & Humour
Originality: 4/10
Honestly, the originality isn't that unique. From the impression I got of it, it looks a lot like many other stories out there. Don't let this get to you though, there are many good CLICHÉD stories out there. And I think that yours is one of them.
Spelling, Grammar, Flow: 8/10
You have good spelling an grammar! I could read the whole thing without being stopped to figure out what the author meant whent they write a bad sentence. In addition, I liked how you used different punctuation rather than just sticking with a period and a comma only.
Your flow is not as good as your spelling and grammar - there are some awkward parts that seem to be in need of some transitions. You can try to use words like, 'next', 'furthermore', 'after that', etc... to fill up the space.
Characters: 7/10
Your characters are a bit clichéd. Kamila is your typical innocent kid that the sister has to take care of. Yasmin is the typical girl that has a bad family and needs help. Maurice is the typical player that is nice and mean at the same time to the girl that needs help. And Rebecca is the typical slut kind of girl you see everywhere.
I'm not trying to diss you, but you should try to switch it up. I bother Celine a lot with this - boys don't always like sluts. I am a guy and I can truthfully say that I don't like sluts - I like classier girls that I can actually have a conversation with.
Descriptions: 9/10
You have good descriptions that really caught my eye. Your speaker tags and forms of expression is amazing. I liked it when you used the word 'quirk'. It is such a nice word that can describe so much in so little time.
In addition, I also felt the gist of the character's emotions because of those little things that just gives a story that extra sparkle.
Plot: 6/10
While you obviously have a talent to write, I would recommend a more sophisticated plot. You have a lot of talent and I would love to see you write stories with more theme. Your plot is nice, but you need to add something that makes it stand out from the rest.
Grand Total: 34/50
Keep up the good work and remember to add the sparkle!
