I Am A Monster

I Am A Monster : Chapter 33

Chapter 33

I snarl savagely at Emma.

"Get away," I growl, shooting to my feet and glaring at her. "Now."

"No!" she says defiantly.

"I said," I say, a definite tone of murderous, righteous anger in my voice, "NOW!"

But she just stands there, looking at me. Her expression is unfathomable. Finally she sits down on the trunk of a fallen tree nearby.

"Do you want to know why I hid my past?"

For a few minutes, I stare at her silently. Then she stands up.

"I get it," she says, standing up, "you want me to leave."

I shake my head, still staring silently at her.

"You...want me to tell you?"

Still glaring, I finally nod a tiny bit. She lowers herself back down on the log, now studying me closely with her intense blue eyes that I've never forgotten. Then I slowly lower myself down on the carcass of a vampire. Soon my pants are stained in blood.

"When we left each other," she begins, "I was...more depressed than you can imagine. I tried to kill myself. It never worked. I survived what should have been fatal, Bree. Then I ran across Sam. He was out in the wild, hunting, when he caught my scent. We met in wolf form. I decided to turn over a new leaf. I told him my name was Kathy. We got there. We were there for...I don't know how long. Probably around a year. But people soon somehow thought I was there longer. I never thought about my past, so instead I pretended like it was true. And then you came....

"At first, I thought you wouldn't recognize me. I was right. I didn't want to tell you who I really was. What if you told somebody else, somebody who couldn't be trusted? I'd lied to my own mate about who I was. If I lied to him, I could lie to anyone. You have no idea how hard it was...for a year, to be living with a different name. I've grown so used to it, I even almost forgot about my old name. Emma. Bree, you finally made me embrace the past. When you figured it out...Bree, I felt like I wanted to start all over again. Sam's not talking to me. Everyone keeps giving me dirty looks. And my own sister hates me."

I don't look at her. A tear traces my cheek. I blink a lot, brushing the tear away, looking down at my feet.

"You deserve it," I say, a lump in my throat. "The last one...the last family member...pretended not to recognize me. Forget about you. You lied to everyone you've met for the last year. Even your mate. Even me. And all you were thinking about was how it would affect you. You selfish, evil, bratty little--"

"Bree," she sobs, "I didn't--I tried--I was--"

"Emma...wait. Not Emma. Kathy."

Her eyes widen. "No! It's Emma."

"Not anymore. Not to me. You're no sister of mine."

She bursts into tears, bolting off the hill. I hear her morph even before she reaches the bottom. I stay there, watching where she was sitting just a few minutes ago with no emotion. Tears trace my cheeks, but my expression is hard and stony. In truth, Emma's words have pierced me deeply. She's only known Sam for a year, and suddenly I don't matter as much as him.

"She can't be my sister," I murmur to myself.

For another few minutes, I sit there. I take deep, steady breaths, trying to calm myself. But I'm alone, and emotionally wounded very badly. Eventually, a horrible sob escapes through my lips. Then another. And then it's nonstop, and I'm weeping. I know I'm being too loud, but I'm broken. I know I'll never be the same.

My own sister has broken me.

"I hate you, Emma!" I scream, stifling more sobs. Strange, half-sob-and-half-whimpers escape through my slightly parted lips. Suppressing sobs is hard. I squeeze my eyes shut, and another, small sob escapes. I try to hold it in, but I don't manage it with all of the sob. Finally, I stop keeping tabs on my emotions. The tap finally lets out more than a few drops; it unleashes a small flow, and now I'm curled up on the ground, my head buried in my hands. My messy ponytail pokes me in the face, but I don't care. Finally, I go slack. Just lying in the grass. I don't care anymore. Maybe I can starve myself. Maybe a vampire can kill me.

Bree, says Alexa's voice in my head. It's okay. Do you want me...?

I nod, and then let her switch with me. She brushes off the tears, steels her nerves, and begins the descent. When she gets to the bottom, she sees Emma running towards her.

I switch views.

Now I'm the one looking through her eyes. It's like a second person, a layer under the first layer. Through her eyes, I watch Emma run up to her, breathing hard.

"Bree," she says, "I'm--"

"It's Alexa," says Alexa.

"Who's--? You're joking. Bree, I never thought--"

"This isn't Bree. It's Alexa. Me and Bree share a conscience."

Her face pales. "You mean--?" she starts.

Alexa doesn't finish it. Instead, she pushes past her.

I go into hibernation and finally let the tears really come, where no one can see them.

The thing is, no one's here to comfort me, either.