I Am A Monster

I Am A Monster : Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I don't leave his body for four days.

The energy stored up from all of my recent meals manages to feed me, barely. By the end of the fourth day, my ribs show through my stomach and I look sickly and pale, much like Mark's body. Every time I look at him, at his mangled corpse, I feel a pang of agony that makes me want to get up, go to the top of the castle, and jump off. Sometimes I really do consider the idea. I'm more depressed than I can ever imagine. My wolf was hell-bent on having a future with him. But now he's dead, my soul mate is gone, and my life is ruined.

No need to be melodramatic, of course, but I always manage to be.

I haven't allowed it to sink in until now. I was suffering from the pain of losing him for four days, and that was without really accepting the fact. Now, to embrace it....

I hug his cold body. I feel his broken arm and stroke his jaw, looking into his eyes, which I closed four days ago.

My eyes feel wet again. I must have been crying again. The nurse who was with me when Mark died put a curtain around his bed to give me some privacy. The breakfast she gave me is sitting on the nighttable, cold now. Waffles and pancakes with syrup.

I haven't slept for three nights. Alexa has left my mind alone, probably hibernating, too upset to stay in my mind for longer than a few seconds at a time. I keep begging her to switch places, but she's stubbornly put up a mind block. I rejected him as a mate; she embraced the fact. That must have just made it five times as hard for her as for me. No wonder she's hiding. I would have already killed myself.

I have to admit it. Eventually, I would have grown to love Mark. I know that now. I only knew him for about half an hour. Half an hour, and he already told me he loved me. Maybe even an hour. I guess mate feelings really speed things up. But that hour had definitely played on my emotions. I know that I'll never be the same.

I miss him.

That one thought keeps going through my head. One hour with him there, and then he's gone. And I already miss him. How's that even possible?

I miss the look he gave me in that one hour, the caring, loving look that no one else has given me for two years. I miss his reddish-brown wolf. I miss him.

I get up and go over to my cold breakfast. Wolfing it down, I don't look back at Mark when I go downstairs. Now that I've finally looked away, I can't bear to look back. The memories, rushing through my head, are just too painful.

My dead mate lies on his hospital bed, pale as death.

I walk downstairs, numb to what's happening around me. A truck could hit me, a vampire could crush me or snap my neck, and I'd bleed and welcome the pain.

Welcome the pain because I wouldn't care.

Maybe I should just kill myself.

My mind is going in circles. It's taken four damn days to organize my thoughts and they're still super disorganized, like a folder of papers that's been dropped, the papers strewn all over the floor.

I find myself sitting at the lunch table. It's lunch? Already? But I just finished breakfast. Then I remember that it was cold. I clearly remember the nurse coming with it three hours ago, giving me a sad smile before leaving.

Amari walks up to me. By the look in her eyes, I can tell she's heard all about what's happened. I wonder where people think me and Mark were for the past few days.

"Where's Mark?" she asks. "What is it?"

"Dead," I reply. "I've been by his bedside for four days."

She's frozen, paralyzed. I push past her. I'm in a large room with a tiled floor and large, round tables. There is a table with plates on one side of the room. On the other is a sort of shop thing. People are lining up and pointing at food. A lady with a black hair net gives out food. I get a plate and get some salad with dressing and salami. Sitting down at an empty table, I take slow bites of the salad. It feels like I'm trying to choke down expired milk. I pick at my salami for the space of a few minutes before giving it up. Putting it in a bin that reads Dishes, Glasses & Utensils, I walk away. Numb again. I find my way to my room and lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

At nothing.

After about half an hour, I hear the door open and close. Kathy steps in. One of her arms is in a sling and there is a bandage wrapped tightly around her right leg, but other than that she is unhurt.

"Bree," she says, "I'm sorry."

I ignore her. I know that I'm hurting her by doing so, but I just can't face the fact that he's dead. Although I thought I was ready, now I'm terrified of even thinking about being ready.

I realize that the mental block I'd set up was weak and disorganized. It's already tumbling. Tumbling right after the person who needed it to tumble most is dead.

It's like a dam. A dam in a river. The dam blocks out most of the water, until a new river path is created. All of the water goes into the new path. The dam finally tumbles, but nothing changes. The water has stopped going in that direction.

My mental block is the dam.

"I know someone that can help you," she continues.

"No one can help me," I say. My voice is dead, empty, hollow. It sounds scary, even to myself.

"That's not true!" Kathy replies. Her voice wavers. Her lower lip quivers. "Please come with me."

"If I come with you, will you stop talking?" My tone is serious, and so is my face. She realizes that I'm not trying to joke. I'm just trying to tell her that she's annoying me.

"Fine," she grumbles.

I get out of my bed and follow her. She leads me through the castle and we finally get to a door with a faint, strange marking on it. The mark is made up of a single square. In the square are two images, separated by a line carved deeply into the door. The first image is of a girl and a boy. The boy is lying on a bed, and the girl seems to be crying. The second image shows the girl with a smile on her face, walking away from the boy, who must be dead.

She knocks on the door, and it opens. A stooped man stands there. He's short, thin, and balding, with wiry gray hair and silver spectacles. His eyes are an unsettling gold, like the yellow eyes of a werewolf in wolf form but richer and less dull. His face is so wrinkled that it looks like a dry fruit.

"Ah, yes," he says, looking into my eyes. I lurch backwards, but Kathy grabs my arm with a strong, steady grip, rooting me in place. The man studies me and continues to examine my eyes, and then says, "Seventeen. Lost your mate four days ago. Wields a blade of immense power. Alone for two years."

"How do you know that?"

Regarding me closely, he says, "I am simply a messenger." Something about that rings a bell. Then I realize.

"Like Sabrina," I blurt.

"Yes," he says thoughtfully, "Very much like Sabrina...in more ways than one."

"What do you mean?"

"That girl...her future is foggy. Meant to be a leader, yes...but the role...."

"Yes?"

"But you came here for your mate, did you not?"

"I--yes--" I splutter.

"Very well," he says. "I am a messenger of God. Yes, God himself. Now, come with me."

He takes my hand. His is cold, rough, and leathery. He brings me into a room with pale green walls with a bright white, king-sized bed in the middle.

"Sit on the bed," he tells me. I sit on the bed. The mattress is extremely soft. I feel my eyes drooping. "You will go to sleep," he says. Already, I feel the irresistible pull of it taking over.

"Yes," I say tiredly. He chuckles.

"This will help with the emotional pain."

I finally feel the sleep really coming on, and with that I nod off.

I know. First time that I've made a chapter without a cliff hanger. xD