What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know (Boyxboy)

Chapter 28

Random fact: My favourite show is American Horror Story.

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Chapter 28.

N A T H E N

They say that life is about discovering yourself. Finally being able to put together that complicated puzzle and figure out all of your answers. Some of us go out whole lives not knowing the answers. What are the answers anyways? Who am I exactly? Well, according to my birth certification I am Nathen Michael Dawson. I'm an only child, I'm the quarterback of my school's football team, and I'm an honour roll student.

I thought I had everything together. Everything was normal, it all made sense. I was perfectly happy with my girlfriend, I had no worries about my grades, I got along with everyone. My parents may rarely be home but that's not even a problem for me.

I was great.

Then all of a sudden everything just changed. All of a sudden I'm stressing out in school. All of a sudden I'm keeping secrets from my girlfriend. All of a sudden I'm not even sure about anything anymore.

Because all of a sudden I'm starting to like my bestfriend. Who, for the record, is a guy.

No, I don't mean like as in tolerating Trevor. I've been in a huge conflict with myself for the longest time, and you know what? Fuck it. I'm now finally admitting that I'm starting to like my bestfriend.

Love? No, don't even get me started on that just yet. I thought I loved Tracy, but clearly I don't. No, because people don't treat the ones they love like how I've been treating Tracy. People don't go around behind that person's back and hide things from them. No.

Why am I even doing this? Why can't I just grow some fucking balls and tell Tracy the truth? I know she's going to hate me. She'll probably be pissed and tell everyone.

That's why.

But then there's the whole "Do I even want to be with Trevor?" question. Do I? Yeah, sure, I'm starting to realize my attraction towards him, but really can I be in a relationship with... a guy? Especially Trevor?

I groaned, and stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Trevor was downstairs grabbing some food and whatnot for us, and I was in here mentally freaking out.

I asked Trevor to stay the night because....well....fuck, I don't even know. Earlier today at Brock's, I just found myself staring at him all the time when he wasn't looking. Something inside me just jumped out of nowhere and just popped the question when we were getting drinks. Fuck my life.

I'm nervous as fuck. Why the fuck am I nervous as fuck? Trevor and I always stay the night at each other's places, so why am I suddenly so anxious?

Okay, yeah I think I know why. But still. Fuck.

Ever since Trevor told me about his feelings for me, it's almost as if it suddenly opened up all these thoughts of my own. I suddenly got nervous around him, I suddenly found myself staring at him... his body, all the time.

But that makes absolutely no sense. Does it?

Could I have been attracted to Trevor without even realizing it this whole entire time? No. Impossible.

"Shit," I whispered under my breath, and turned on the faucet so I could wet my hands. Then, I quickly washed my face, trying to calm down this heat that was forming on my cheeks.