The Other Soldier -A Bucky Fanfic-

Just let me help you

 Everything was bleak, and no matter how much she wished it did, it didn't rain. 
She sat in the uncomfortable black chair as the man in a black cloak spoke some words.
 She wasn't listening, she was focused on her hand.
It was empty, and she didn't want it to be. But why? She's never felt that need before.
 She wasn't stable, it was hard to be in a life such as this.
Without thinking, she linked her fingers with those of the man beside her. His hand wrapped around hers after a moment of hesitation.
She didn't look at him, she was looking at the black, smooth box a few steps before her. A picture of Robert in his younger years was beside the box, and he looked happy.
 Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Maybe she should say a few words? But what would she say?
Hi, I'm the older sister of this ninety-year-old man and I killed him somehow. You're welcome.
"Kali, we have to get up," Bucky whispered, his hand still in hers. She looked into his eyes and saw that they were clouded yet they held so many emotions.
 Sadness and guilt were the biggest ones.
Kali nodded, and as she stood, Bucky tried to untangle their hands. Kali held on as tightly as she could without hurting him too much.
 "No." Was all she needed to say for him to pause and go with it. He couldn't say it wasn't nice.
They stepped up to the coffin and the man in the cloak handed her a blue rose.

 "Wow! Kali look at these! They're blue!" Robert called, staring at them in awe.
"Black and red ones look nicer," she commented, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"To you, maybe. Do you know the meaning of the rose colours?" He asked, his eyes full of curiosity as he looked up at her.
 "Of course, mom seems to want to push it into my brain. It worked."
 "Really? Can you tell me what it means?" Robert was jumping on his heels, pointing at the blue roses in the stand.
 "Sure thing, Robby. It means the unattainable or the impossible," she said, remembering what her mother said when she brought a bouquet of roses home.
 "Can we get one? For mommy?" He asked, already picking up the rose. 
Kali sighed as she pulled the money needed from her pocket. The women at the stand took it with a polite smile as she waved them goodbye.
 "These are my new favorite," Robert declared, and Kali couldn't help but feel confused. They weren't that special.
 "Why? You could just paint roses blue, y'know."
"It's my favorite because you bought it for me."

 Her eyes were clouded as she placed the blue rose down, her free hand shaking. She felt the sudden need to cry, but she pushed it back, not wanting to show any more weakness. Holding someone's hand was weak enough.
 She pulled Bucky along as he placed his own rose down. He looked at Kali with pity, and Kali couldn't help but feel small.
 Pity didn't help anyone, it just makes you feel small and weak, as though you can't handle yourself.
 That was a bad look.
"Kali, I-"
"No apologies; death is death."
He looked like he wanted to say something, but he bit his tongue. What good would it do?
 

  Funerals aren't fun. They shouldn't be fun. They are meant for mourning and accepting death. 
She didn't accept it. It still hung over her like a cloud, drowning her in tear shaped doubts.
 She clung to Bucky all day. She refused to be away from someone else.
She doesn't like to admit it, but Bucky means something to her, and nowhere is safe, so she could lose him at any time.
 "Are you okay?" He asked as they were sitting silently on the couch, watching a TV show.
She nodded.
 "I don't believe that."
She shrugged.
 "Look, I know you feel guilty about it, but it wasn't your fault. He was old, Kali."
She did nothing but keep her attention on the TV.
 "Kali you have to talk about it sometime. Even I talked about stuff with Steve." He tried to reason with her, but it wasn't working.
Talking has never done her any good in the past, so why would it now?
 Bucky sighed, his patience was slipping. 
"Do you want to get better?" He asked, turning his head towards her. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV off.
 This time, Kali looked him in the eyes with as close to shock as she could muster.
"Do you?" He repeated.
 Kali nodded slowly, almost as if she weren't sure.
 "Then let me help you. Let someone help you. You can't get better if you just ignore your problem. Everyone in this tower is proof of that, all of us. Just let us help you." Bucky was close to begging her. He wanted her to get better, he felt things for her that he never felt.
 He knew what it was, and it was odd, in the 1940's he never felt something as strong as this.
He wanted this to continue, but it wouldn't work if Kali didn't get better.
 "I want to get better," Kali said, her eyes not leaving Buckys for a second. 
Bucky nodded as he grabbed her hand.
 "Good, then talk to me."

 Talking was hard. 
She didn't like it, it made her feel vulnerable and weak and small, but Bucky assured her it was okay, so it had to be, right?
 "Would you lie to me?" 
Bucky dropped the book he was holding and shot her a blank stare.
 "What?"
"Would you lie to me?" 
Bucky started shaking his head as he stood frozen.
"No, no, never. Not now."
She hated the next word she spoke, it made her sound like a small child.
"Promise?"
 Buckys' eyes softened as he looked at her.
 "Yeah, I promise."
Kali stood up then, walking over towards Bucky, and calming her nerves.
 She then did something she never thought she would get the courage to do, no matter how small the action may be.
 

She kissed him.