Harmful Love (A Michael Clifford Fanfic)

Chapter 20

We drive and the feeling in my stomach twists and turns. All of this just makes me go insane, the move, Michael, college, Michael. Before he drives past a Target I tell him to pull over to it to get some groceries. We quietly walk in and I start to have second thoughts on my classes, I don't want to take yoga, I'd rather take reading class honestly, since I'm jobless now. Michaels planning on looking for a new job, but were still figuring it all out.

"Do you want this cereal?" I blink twice. "Sure."

He puts the box of childish cereal in the cart and he goes to a different aisle. I walk to the ice-cream shelf and grab a tube of mint chocolate chip ice-cream. When I put it in the cart he makes a face.

"You know I hate mint," he pouts. "Poor baby, you hate everything." He smirks and wraps his arms around my waist, "everything but you."

It's been awhile since Michael and I get touchy, like hugs, kisses that's just too much for me sometimes, every since the incident I just freak out. We've agreed not to until I'm ready again, but I'm doing it step by step. I'm nearly used to it.

We grab some meat and vegetables and head back home, I turn on the radio and let the music sink into my skin while Michael laughs at my music taste.

"No no no, defiantly no." He turns off my station and puts a CD of some old rock indie music. I laugh but I insist he keeps the music. He parks the car and we get the groceries in our house. I'm not sure how I even feel about saying "our." It all feels surreal. As I get food for dinner I hear a light drop on the kitchen floor.

I look around and I see my phone on the floor cracked, in pieces. "Michael!" I curse under my breath as I wait for him to come. "Oh shit. What the hell happened?" he grabs a broom and sweeps the pieces off of the floor into the dustpan. "I don't know, I was getting dinner started and it just fell, it must have vibrated off the edge. Damnit. Ill just get a new one tomorrow after class."

Michael throws the phone away and takes out my SIM card. "You should probably start looking for a new job, you know." He runs his hand on his hair, "Yea, I know Danny."

Danny? Since when was that my nickname, he's never called me that before..

"Alright, Mikey." He laughs, "Don't ruin it." He comes from behind me and puts his hands on my waist from under my shirt. I get the tingly feeling but I just continue to cut the steak. "You know how crazy I've been going without feeling you up?" he whispers and I can't help but giggle. I know how badly he wanted to, but I wasn't sure how to feel about it. He goes lower into my pants and I drop my knife.

"Sorry." I pick it up in embarrassment. He backs away and I hear a sigh as he leaves the kitchen. I feel about even though I shouldn't, I mean it's not my fault he kidnapped me. It seems like ever since it happened everything just seems to be my fault. I continue to cut the meat and I ignore Michael and his sighs. Everything is just too new for me, considering the fact I haven't spoken to my mother or brother about it.

I put the food on the table and go to our room.

"The foods ready." I look at him and his face is completely straight. "Okay." I walk out and I hear him get up and follow me.

We sit down quietly, so quiet I can hear the neighbors. "Why are you so distant?" I try to get reasoning.

"Because, you want it. Not me." He puts his fork down as if he's just ready to argue.

"It's not like I want it, I need it. Do you want a reminder that you're the reason I do? Everything scares me now, because of you!" I drop the fork and storm to the room and slam the door. I feel hot, heavy tears come down my face as I sit behind the door. I shouldn't have to feel this way considering the fact I love with him. It's not fair that he did this to me and thinks it's okay to put me in this kind of pressure.

"Daniella open the door." He knocks and I just refuse to get up. I hear him sigh as his credit card goes through the door. "Daniella we need to talk, now." He sounds like a father but I refuse to listen. I cover my ears with a pillow and him curse.

"I don't care for what you have to say." I mutter and he just sits on the bed beside me.

"Daniella you can't be mad, for Christ sake we haven't even had sex yet!" His accent grew as he yelled.

"That's all that matters to you right? Sex? I'm just your fucking doll!" I yell back feeling the moist tears drawing all over my face.

"That's what you fucking think? I just want you for sex? You know me well enough to know that if I did I'd be fucking a whore right now!" His filthy language covered my ear drums, but he's right.

"Okay." I don't know what else to really say..

"Okay? That's all you can say?" He gets off of the bed and goes to the bathroom. I follow him but I hear the shower running.

I decide to go in and settle this. I walk in and steam covers the ceiling.

"What do you want." He says loudly as his head pops out of the curtain. I don't know why, but this suddenly turned me on. I begin to take my shirt off, then my pants. I catch myself by surprise when I'm completely naked in the shower in front of Michael. His wet bleach hair covers my forehead as he kisses me. I feel his hands explore my body as the soap touched my skin. I've never been in this position with him but it just felt right. I didn't feel scared nor did I feel uncomfortable, I just felt amazing. His lips roamed around until he went low, I mean very low. He laid me down and turned the water on hot. He put my legs on his shoulder and just continued. I covered my moans with my hand but they slipped, loudly. The feeling was foreign because it's been so long.

When he finally finished I was so exhausted. I got up and the water began to get cold so I cleaned myself then quickly got out. I change into just a bra and panty and lie down next to Michael. His hands rub my back as I face the opposite way from him.

"I love you." he says quietly, his voice raspy and tired.

"I love you too." I smile as I say the words I never thought I'd say to someone.

He quickly falls asleep while my head lies on his chest. I hear his steady heartbeat which puts me to a soothing relaxation. I close my eyes and begin to drift off to sleep.

- so I know I haven't updated in a very, very long time.. and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, truly. I read the comments and it literally broke me apart. I know how badly you guys enjoyed Harmful Love but I stopped because I felt like I wasn't good enough. But now that I've realized that I was wrong, I'm going to try to update again, it'll take time because I have a really tight schedule. Please do forgive me, though. I'm really sorry again.