lost

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Dan POV

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Something was wrong with me.

I could not pinpoint what it was, simply strange occurrences that left me baffled and confused.

Almost all of these occurrences occurred when I was with Phil. I hoped that they wouldn't spread to happen around any demons.

It all started with my decision to be nice to Phil and have conversations with him. I now resented my past self, but only while on my own, because during our talks I couldn't help but praise my past self for allowing me to do something that made me this happy.

Happy.

I'd said only weeks ago that I felt it was impossible for me to be happy. And yet now, an angel with black hair and blue eyes was making me feel that emotion. I couldn't stand it. Not only was I feeling happy at random moments, but I found that I was starting to feel unsure of myself at times. While speaking with Tyler or Connor and helping make an important decision, I felt myself wondering if I was right, and that was something that never happened. I had always been cocky, it added to how I was rude, and that was just how it was. I was a demon, obviously.

As soon as I began questioning myself, however, I would shut it down and go with my first decision. I couldn't afford to act like this; I had jobs to do. I had an afterlife to live.

Phil and I talked every day now. And if one of us couldn't make one day, we explained the next. It was as if we were teenage humans, sneaking from our homes to see each other, despite how we weren't exactly sneaking. We simply weren't doing our jobs.

I could easily say that we were friends by now. I concluded that this was a first time thing; had there ever been a demon that was friends with an angel besides Tyler and Korey? My immediate answer was no. In fact, I didn't even have any idea what the general reaction to something like that would be. Anger, confusion, or excitement? Acceptance or hostility?

I think both Phil and I had an unspoken deal that our meetings would remain between us.

Luckily, my own reaction to the changes I was experiencing was anger, which seemed counterproductive. Oppositely, it cleared a small amount of confusion when I felt angry, because that was what was normal in my life.

My life, separate from my emotions and Phil, had gone back to what I had expected but a little different. After Heaven and Hell populations had gone back to normal, our only objective now was to kill cruds and try to make demons slowly, at the same amount angels were making angels. Because of my acts of meeting with angels and knowing all of the affairs that underlied our usual lives, Tyler had deemed me worthy enough to become a part time Sender, with the job of organizing Tyler's files on all our demons while I wasn't performing my main job on Earth. One problem, however, was that he had caught on to me not finishing my work as a Finder.

By now, it had been a full three weeks of Phil and I talking since the last meeting concerning populations, and it was beginning to show on my reports. Despite how I didn't have to recruit tyros as much anymore, I did have a bigger responsibility concerning food. Tyler had asked me twice now why I was slacking, and I'd lied both times, telling him that I was starting to get tired very easily lately. He couldn't exactly call bullshit, but he was Tyler, pretty much all knowing, and I could tell he suspected something more than that. But if anyone would care that I was friends with Phil, it was him. Just like how on the other side it would be Korey, which was a little ironic since they were friends that just happened to work together.

I remembered how I used to feel about even seeing an angel; disgusted, angry, and annoyed. Now, I was beginning to question why it would be such a bad thing for our two species to be friends. It sure would end a lot of wars, but I suppose I understood the black and white of it. We were good and bad, two sides that couldn't love each other. Other demons weren't like me, either, and I knew that the other angels weren't like Phil. Why? I didn't know how many times I had to say that I didn't know.

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