The King and His Men.

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I didn’t sleep that night, and it wasn’t because I slept earlier. Instead of closing my eyes I constantly reread the invitation feeling my heartbreak over and over again. Why was I doing this? Was I punishing myself for saying no to him? Why was I punishing myself by rereading this?

So I sat for hours at the table, fingering the parchment and threatening to rip it up but never being able to. I watched the sun set ignoring the rumbling hunger in my stomach, mainly because it mixed with the churning I already felt. I shivered and pulled the blanket tighter around me. I didn’t want to move, it reminded me I was still sitting in a room by myself mourning over my mistake. 

It was too late to take back what I had said. Too late… I guess I kept trying to come up with excuses to why Delron and I couldn’t be together; he was wrong for me, he hurt me, he hurt my mother. They were valid excuses, except I had stupidly already forgiven him for them. It hurt me, it felt like my heart was ripping in two. I could have stopped this pain ever from happening; right from the start I could have stopped it. I had loved Delron for such a long time and I had never admitted it until it was over.

I read the invitation again. He’s getting married. She’s a good decision. She’s beautiful and would produce beautiful children…sons. She would be his queen—his wife. Why didn’t I tell him it wasn’t too late? Why didn’t I kiss him when I had the chance?

Was it for pride? Was it for the protection of my mother? Was it so I could care for her? Or was I making the biggest mistake of my life?

“What’s this, Claire?” My mother took the piece of paper from my fingers before I could stop her. I hadn’t even realized she was in the den until she spoke. “A wedding invitation?”

It still hurt when she said it. I had grown numb but it wasn’t enough. I half expected to have gotten over it, or at least for me to appear over it. My mother froze and her hands shook from a few moments. I shut my eyes to hold back the tears. I thought she would have sworn or fainted or cried but she didn’t, which surprised me.

“Are you okay?” I whispered.

“Was he here?” she finally spoke. I didn’t say anything in fear of my voice cracking. “Was. He. Here. Claire?” I nodded. “That son of a bitch! How dare he step foot here, in my home—after what he has done!”

“He came to see me…”

“What did he do?” she bellowed.

“He didn’t hurt me, mother.”

“No? That bastard destroyed me. He took you and threatened you into marriage.”

“Delron’s not like that now.”

“Delron? You know his name?—nobody knows his name… You never told me what happened between you too. Did he hurt you?”

My hand instinctively went to my other one, gingerly rubbing the healing scar. He hurt me but it seemed unimportant. Why did I have to care? Why couldn’t I feel the hatred my mother held? “No, it doesn’t matter.”

My mother’s jaw clenched and her body shook with anger. She ripped at the parchment furiously until it was in tatters on the table. “He’s not allowed here again, do you understand me? Not the King, or his men.” She hobbled away leaving me tearful and unsettled. My mother had been through so much torture—did Delron do it himself or did he get one of his pathetically loyal men to do it?

I don’t know which one was worse. I could understand though, how it could make her feel so angry and so weak at the same time. This would be so much easier if I couldn’t love. I wish I didn’t love a powerful man with an evil past and a confusing personality.