Looking for Heaven

Chapter Five

He had never been so happy. Never in his dreams or wildest fantasies had he seen himself so exquisitely and utterly happy. Colours seemed brighter and popped with stunning vibrancy. The sun seemed warmer, shadows lighter, winds gentler, the occasional rain softer. The nightmares of George King and his evolutionary rejections – though there were still lingering fears and resurfacing panics – seemed far away, almost another century. Sometimes a chill would run down his spine and he would dart his eyes all around, looking for King, but he'd remember where he was, who he was with – and George would fade away. The bogeyman would disintegrate into the dark he came from.

As bad as things had been, that's how good they were now. He felt more comfortable within himself than he had ever felt. His speech, movements, opinions and feelings were more open and free. Without having to censor himself as much as he had had to for the previous 17 years was a weight off his shoulders. Every young person wants to fit in and feel accepted, especially those who don't conform to societal "norms". They too want to feel the warmth of being able to talk freely, wear what they want and just embrace who they are. Justin was a lucky one.

The feelings he had for Daniel were stronger than any he had ever had. He could easily dream of both of them in years to come: exploring the world, experiencing new places and people, seeing monumental changes in the world that would one day enter the chapter in history books on equality. In their twenties, thirties, middle-aged, and ultimately elderly, sharing a room in a nursing home (but he naturally hoped that the nursing home was subject to change).

However, he said to himself that no one knows the future. Though something may seem to so amazing that it will last forever, that doesn't mean that it will. The longest day must have an end – books must have a last page – shows must have a last episode (unless it's a soap).

He did, though, think that they were extremely compatible and thought they could be together for a long time – when he thought too far ahead he slowed his brain down and made himself enjoy every moment that they had. Now. Right here. Que sera, sera. "Enjoy the now" was his new motto. That phrase "Live for today" had been thrown around for years and he'd heard it many times. He understood it now. You never know the best moments  of your life until they become memories.

It did seem strange, he sometimes admitted to himself, to put so much obsession into his first relationship. There was no guarantee that they would be together as long as he hoped, or be as happy as he wished. But they were entitled to revel in their romance and be as cringe or embarrassing as they wanted (within reason though, they weren't the really bad type).

There were times of sadness though, when he thought about others who weren't as lucky as they. Those who didn't have supportive friends and family, those who didn't feel comfortable, those who had never come out, those who hated themselves, those who weren't here anymore. He shook these thoughts away. It wouldn't always be like this. People were fighting for change, and he knew that he would fight for change as well with every waking moment.

The squad was fantastic. Tracy was like a proud mother hen whenever she saw them together. She was proud of them and admired their willingness to be open about their sexuality and how much Justin had blossomed from the shy, downbeat young boy she met not all that long ago.

Even the lads of the group were fine. He knew it was a stereotype and that not all straights guys are like that, but just to cover himself he was half expecting a "no homo" type change to the way they interacted with him. He was pleased when they treated him just the same, perhaps more respectfully (until one would burp in his or someone's face because... teens, what'll you do).