Broken

Help, I'm alive

Still depressed

Tired

Empty

Sad

4'11

86lbs = good

79lbs = perfect

Flat stomach

Thigh gap

Skinny

Thin

Fit

Healthy

It's hard to have motivation when you're depressed and tired all the time. And school gets in the way. Homework. I just want to be thin. I know if I work hard enough I will be thin. But depression won't let you. If a genie appeared and gave me three wishes, one of them--actually I wouldn't waste my wishes on that. But I wish I was skinny.

A girl in my class didn't eat the food that we made (it was FACS, family and consumer science, like home ec). She said she was fat. She was one of the skinniest girls in the school. Flat stomach, skinny arms and legs, plus she was really pretty. We, the other two people in our group, said that she wasn't fat and she wouldn't believe us. She also said that she doesn't eat breakfast and I'm really worried about her. I mean, maybe, she eats lunch. But I have no idea what she does at home. I think some guy in our grade was joking around and said she was fat and she took it personally.

I hate it when girls who are actually skinny say that they're fat, or think that they're fat. I'm like "Dude, you are not fat! I am fat! Not you!" I just want to shove that down their thoats. Or shove it up their noses 'til it comes out their ears. Ugh!

I wish I had the motivation to loose 22-29 pounds. But I'm always too tired, too sad, too un-motivated. I'm almost disappointed in myself. I wish I could ask somebody to help me. Make sure I'm running and giving me workouts to do. So I don't give up or slack. So I can do my best. So guys will ask if I lost weight and I'll wear tight shirts. I won't feel the need to suck in my stomach constantly. I'll feel confident and secure. My stomach would be flat. My thighs wouldn't touch.

But a for sure way to know that I WILL loose weight some time in my life is that I promised myself that I can't get a tattoo until I'm skinny. So I have until I'm sixteen to loose all that weight. Three more years.