Attention || Lashton

Chapter 16

October 25, 2015 (Later that Day):

I knocked on the guidance counselor's door ten minutes later. "I would just like to apologise about my behavior earlier. On the bright side, I won twenty bucks." I lied, holding up a twenty I pulled out of my own wallet.

Liar.

Liar.

Liar.

HE KNOWS YOU'RE A LIAR.

The voices got louder and louder and I wish that they would go away. They needed to go away. I examined the man's face, awaiting his response. "You pretended to be schizophrenic to win a bet? Ashton, your father is diagnosed with the disease and you should-"

"Blah blah, I wanted to buy this new game. Don't blame a boy for getting somewhere in life." I cut him off with an angered tone.

And it was left there.

--

October 30, 2015:

The day before Halloween was always the best at my school. Everybody dressed differently, they wore masks and make up with different styles of clothing. Today, I was myself. I didn't want to dress as anybody else; not when I was a freak. 

It was two hours into the school day and that joke has been made to me on multiple occasions. And I cut again last night, fresh lines making my wrist itch today. "Hey Ash, are you doing okay? We haven't talked really since Monday..." Michael says, coming from behind me.

I turned around and saw him and I gave him a small smile. "Where's Luke, have you seen him?" I asked, not bothering to spend more time conversing. I haven't seen Luke in a week. He has been skipping.

"I last saw him at that skateboard park when I was on my way to school. The one by Solo Mio Cafe?" Michael explains. I nod and left the school immediately. So far, there had been movies and Halloween parties. I wouldn't be missing out on too much.

It took be probably about thirty minutes to get down to the skateboard park from the school, even with taking short cuts. I see a couple white flakes fall in front of my face as one lands on the tip of my nose. I look up, seeing the perfect and fragile forms of mother nature. I see a blonde quiff. I assume it is Luke.

I walk over and see him. He looks over to me with bloodshot eyes and a large bruise on the side of his face. "Fuck." I swore, running over to him. "Luke you have a bruise. The bruise is really... just I don't... Are you okay? What happened? How did you get the bruise?" I asked, I couldn't think straight. My mind and heart was racing with anxiety at seeing how defeated he looked. But sadly, Luke shook his head and refused to speak. "Is it the man in the car? Tell me Luke, was it the man who made you punch me? Who is forcing you to be like this? Who is hurting you?" I kept bombarding him with questions. I remember the man in the car. I remember. Luke punched me because of the man in the car.

He probably doesn't know what you are talking about. He probably thinks you are crazy just like everybody else thinks you're crazy. We're not real, Ashton. We're not real. We can scream as loud as we want and body is going to hear it. It is in your head Ashton.

You're crazy.

You're scaring him.

He can't comprehend it so I wouldn't worry too much.

You should worry!

He doesn't know anything. He could be sitting at home, what if it wasn't snowing? What if he wasn't where he thought he was?

"Stop it." I cried, covering my ears. The two voices bickered back and forth, the higher pitched voice screaming in my ears as they began to ring. 

"Ashton?" I hear Luke's voice and everything seemingly stopped. Dead silence.

*****

"What do you mean, schizophrenic?" Mummy asked the man in the white. I sat in the waiting room, playing with my small action figure. 

"They're probably talking about you." Birdman told me.

"I think they're talking about daddy." I told Birdman. 

"He sees things. He hears things. He thought that you two had a nine year old daughter named Amber. He would continuously talk about her, and how she had his eyes and your hair. And when I asked for a picture, I was shown a picture of an empty swing seat at the park. Mrs. Irwin, your son is only two, right?" The doctor man asks.

"He is three in a couple weeks but go on." Mummy told the doctor man.

"Okay so I want you to listen to this." He tells Mummy. He takes out a black box and presses a button on it. 

'You see Amber is beautiful. She has hazel eyes like me and bright blonde hair. She is beautiful. Amber is so beautiful. Do you want to see a picture? I have a lot of pictures. She's an only child, though. Ann Marie told me differently. Amber is so beautiful, thought, don't you think so? But Ann Marie brought this baby boy in the house and claimed him to be mine. But he isn't mine. She was only pregnant with Amber. Amber is so beautiful, just so... Would you like to see a picture?'

The black box stopped talking and I didn't know who Amber was. "What can we do? What if Ashton has it?" Mummy began crying. 

"You did that to her." Birdman told me.

"No I think daddy did." I shook my head no. Birdman was being mean. Most of the time he just talks to me.

"You did it, Ashton."

*****

Tears begin falling from Luke's eyes. "Did I do that?" I asked, thinking back to my first memory. The bright lights and the blame. I was always to blame. So when Luke looked at me with teary eyes in the snowfall in October, my memories began to haunt me. That one day in October, I felt the blame. I felt guilty for something I didn't do. Or did I do it? I wasn't sure anymore.