October 26, 2015:
It was Monday. I haven't seen nor have I talked to Luke since the incident on Friday. I tugged on my sleeves by habit as I entered the school. People gave me dirty looks, some were with pity. "Hey emo bitch, how's the fag life going?" Kendrick teased me as he saw me. I closed my eyes with hurt as I just walked by. "I asked you a fucking question." He snapped, pushing me forward so I stumbled.
"It's is going well, like going well. Life is... going well." I stumbled over my words, losing my train of thought.
They implanted something in your brain.
They are making you do this.
Run Ashton, before they get you. Before they read your thoughts. You know things. Secret things.
I put my hands over my ears. "The fag can't even talk-talk-talk today." Kendrick laughed as other people joined in. I ran away up the stairs, my hands still over my ears as my bag slowly started falling off my shoulder. Tears began escaping my eyes as I ran into a nearby classroom that had its lights off. I slammed the door shut and leaned against the wall and fell into a heavy sob.
"Why are you in here?" Luke's voice rung in my covered ears as I looked up and saw him close to me. His eyes were pitch black and his smile was malicious. "Why aren't you dead? You don't deserve to be alive Ashton. You're a burden." He laughed, his voice deep and his tone cold.
"Stop. You're fake. You're not Luke you're fake. You're just a fake Luke. I know you're fake because Luke wouldn't be so mean so you are fake." I shut my eyes and when I reopened them, the room was empty.
My heart was racing. I shakily take my hands away from my ears and immediately hear the ticking. Tick. Tick. Tick.
That is the sound of your life running out.
The voice wouldn't stop. "Shut up, shut up." I told the voice. He was there. The government did something to me. They are making me this way, they are studying me. They think I know something and I don't, so they are trying to do this to the wrong person.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
There was a camera inside this clock, too. I could feel it. I could feel somebody's eyes burning into my flesh. Just like in my math class. This isn't me this is them. They think I know something and I don't. I don't know anything. I really don't.
My eyes were burning from lack of sleep and my thoughts were racing. Luke's black eyes are threatening voice lurked in my head and it wouldn't go away. Why was I being targeted? I heard a knock on the door and I slowly got up and saw a head of colorful hair. I opened the door and leaned back against the wall. "Ash, are you okay?" Michael asked me with a frown.
"They hate me they all hate me. They hate me for... I don't know Mike but they hate me." I cried, recovering my ears.
"They don't hate you Ashton. They hate themselves. You are an attractive boy, Ash, they are jealous of you. You may have your demons but you are a good person." Michael reassured me. It was funny how a month ago, he glared at me and called me an attention whore.
"Luke punched me the other day." I told him.
"I've yet to meet this Luke. Does he go to the school?" Michael asked me. And for the first time I felt like I understood him. Like finally his words synced with his lips.
I smiled a little bit at his joke. "Of course he does, you know, Luke Hemmings? Blonde hair, captivating blue eyes?" I smiled, thinking of the boy who has broken my heart and stomped on the small pieces.
He shook his head. "Stop playing around, Michael. It isn't funny." I snapped.
He told me he didn't know what I meant. "They've done something to you!" I screamed in anger. I got up away from the wall and quickly exited the room. I ran down the stairs back into the lobby with the people who hated me. "Luke." I mumbled, looking around the crowds.
I blocked out all the other noise as I made a mad dash for the front doors. They caught Michael. They made him forget. They are trying to confuse me. They need to confuse me because confusing me is the only way to. I look around suspiciously, looking for cameras or people who were looking at me.
They were waiting, waiting for me to break down. But I was stronger.
--
"Ashton, we are worried for your own safety. Your father is a diagnosed schizophrenic and-" My guidance counselor begins the rant.
"I am fine. No self-harming still. I have never done it and I am not about to begin. I am living with the fact that he isn't home. He makes the environment toxic, you know? The environment gets really toxic. Like, when he's home. Just a toxic environment." I explained nonchalantly.
"I see. Say, Ashton. I was wondering, what do you think about school?" He asked me.
"I feel like I am being watched so being here makes me paranoid." I told him bluntly. I felt nothing in my chest. Usually I was afraid of the situations but I stared him directly in the eyes with a cold heart.
"In what way?"
"The cameras in the clock. I have very good hearing. My hearing is really good. I just like... hear the ticking? And the more I examined the loud ticking machine I see the small dot. I see the camera and it makes me feel nauseous." I explained, shaking my head at the thought of the clock in the math room.
He's crazy. I am not sure why, but he is crazy. I heard my guidance counselor's thoughts. I felt like covering my ears as he wrote stuff down but his thoughts entered my head without me trying. "People have come to me because they are worried for you, Ashton." The guidance counselor tells me.
"Why is that? People shouldn't be worried." I shrugged.
"I need to recommend a better therapist. I am not a licensed to diagnose anybody, but I feel as if you are having a psychotic break right now from schizophrenia like your father. So I need you to leave school today as I call your Mum so she can bring you somewhere to stop thinking about the cameras. Doesn't that sound fun? No more ticking. No more cameras. All you need is a small vacation somewhere with free food and people who wait on you." The guidance counselor told me.
Crazy.
He thinks you are crazy.
You are worthless.
Pathetic.
The covered my ears again and quickly left the room. I felt tears in my eyes at the denial of a truth I knew to be true.
YOU ARE READING
Attention || Lashton
FanfictionLuke Hemmings is on the football team and is very popular among his fellow students. He is smart, but he has his flaws. He doesn't associate often with people who he finds to be 'lower' than him; this being based on social status. Ashton Irwin lov...
