Lullabies (Jalex)

Just The Way You Are

*Alex’s POV*

“Lex.  Alex.  Alex!”

“Wha-?” I mumble groggily, starting to roll over but I feel someone’s arms around me and I can’t move.  What the hell?  I open my eyes and Jack’s face is just inches away from mine.  I grin at him and he grins back.

“Well good morning, sunshine.  It’s almost three in the afternoon.  Time to get up,” he laughs.

“But I don’t wanna.  I just wanna lay here all day,” I pout.

“Hmm...I guess we could have a movie day since it’s already too late in the day to go do anything,” he jokingly glares at me.

“Hey, you could have woken me up at any time.  You chose to let me sleep.”  He mumbles something that I can’t understand.  “What?”

“I said you’re too cute when you’re sleeping, I couldn’t wake you up,” he says shyly and blushes.

“You just did wake me up!”

“Because I finally got too booooored!”

“You could have turned on the tv.  Or got up to go do something else,” I say and I stick my tongue out.

“I know.  I just didn’t want the tv to wake you.  And if I got up I would have had to move you off of me.”  I smile as I realize that my head is on his arm and our legs are entwined.  “You just looked so comfortable.”  I lean forward and kiss him.

“Okay, okay.  Thank you, Jacky, for letting me sleep.”  He smiles.

“Can we start a movie now?  You pick and I’ll go make breakfast.”

“Noooo!”  I tangle our legs together more and move closer to him.  “Don’t get up, I’m cold,” I say as I wrap my arms around him.

“Wrap yourself in a blanket.  I’ll be right back,” he laughs and untangles himself from me.  He gets up and walks towards the kitchen, coming out a few minutes later with two plates and two glasses of milk.

“What did you make me?” I ask.

“Waffles.  Only thing we really have left.  I think maybe we need to go shopping.”  I groan.  I hate shopping.  “Oh come on.  You don’t want to go out with me?”

“Well...yeah, I guess I do,” I say as I shove a huge bite of waffle in my mouth.

“Good.  Then we’ll leave when you’re done eating.  Oh, and once you get dressed.”  We turn on the tv and finish eating without saying anything else.  He puts his hand out for my plate when I’m done.  “I’ll do the dishes, you go get dressed.”

“Alright, cool,” I smile as I hand him my plate.  I run up the stairs to his room and start looking for some clothes in my bag, but they’re all dirty.  “Well crap…” I mumble.  Good thing me and Jack are the same size.  I walk over to his closet and pick out a Blink-182 shirt and some black skinnies, then go to his dresser and grab some socks.  I set all the clothes down on his bed and take my shirt off, and someone clears their throat behind me.  I spin around and there’s Jack, grinning at me and leaning against the door frame.  “Oh um, hey.  All my clothes are dirty so I stole some of yours...I hope that’s ok.”

“Lex, we’ve been friends for like two and a half years.  You’ve worn some of my clothes before.  Of course it’s fine,” he says as he shakes his head and laughs.

“Ah, true.  Well come on, you have to get dressed too.”

“Hmm…” his eyes move down to what I assume is my bare chest, but then some emotion that I can’t decipher flashes through his eyes.  “L-Lex...what...what happened to your arm?” he asks as he rushes over and grabs my wrist.  Oh God he saw my wrist, oh God, what the fuck do I do?

“Oh my God, Jack, you were not supposed to know about this.  I am so sorry, I just...I just...I…”

“Did you do this to yourself?” he whispers.  I can’t form any more words so I just nod and tears start spilling onto my cheeks.  “Oh Alex…” he pulls me against him and hugs me tightly.  I can feel his tears drip onto my shoulder and I start sobbing.

“I’m s-sorry,” I manage to choke out between sobs.  He pulls back just enough to see my face and he looks directly into my eyes.

“Alex, I am not mad at you.  Don’t apologize to me.  You have nothing to be sorry for.  I’m just worried.  And I’m mad at myself for not realizing something was wrong.  How long have you been...doing this to yourself?”

“A year…” I whisper, my voice thick from crying.

“Why?”

“School, family, Tom, everything is just so stressful.  I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.  What am I supposed to do after next year?  College sounds so uninteresting to me.  And I can’t live on my own.  No matter how much I hate living with my parents, living alone sounds terrifying.  Now that Tom’s gone what am I supposed to do?  I just...I don’t know.  My anxiety gets the best of me I guess.”  I shakily inhale and look at Jack.

“Lex...I understand.  Things are stressful right now.  And I know that losing Tom has been really hard.  But I promise you, I will not let you do nothing with your life.  You won’t live alone.  I’ll live with you...if you want me to.  I don’t ever want to leave you alone.  Your parents aren’t the best, but you only have the rest of this year and next year then you’re out.  And you can come over here literally every day.  You don’t even have to be there all the time.”  He smiles at me but then furrows his eyebrows.  “Wait what do you mean anxiety?”

“I uh, I have an anxiety disorder…  It’s not really diagnosed but nothing else explains the panic attacks all the time.”  He gasps.

“Oh my God, that’s what that is!  I have noticed your panic attacks a couple times, but you always play them off so well that I kind of just started believing that it was nothing.  Oh my gosh, Lex, I am sooo sorry. I-”

“No, Jack, it’s ok,” I cut off his sentence.

“No, it’s not ok.  What kind of best friend am I?”  He looks angry at himself.

“Jack Bassam Barakat, you are the best friend I could ever ask for.  There was no way you could have known so stop.  I can see you blaming yourself, so stop it right now.  You are absolutely perfect and you have done nothing wrong.  But I completely understand if you don’t want to date me anymore.  Or if you don’t even want to be friends...no one wants a depressed loser like me...”

“Alex…” he pauses then sighs.  He looks at me, taking in my face with a slight smile.  “Alexander William Gaskarth...you are the one who is perfect.  There is no way in hell I am letting you go.  These scars,” he holds up my wrist, “just make you more beautiful to me.”  He leans down and lightly kisses the spot with the most scars, and it sends a shiver all throughout my body.  “When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.  And when you smile the whole world stops and stares for a while cause you’re amazing, just the way you are,” he sings softly and we both laugh.  I lean my forehead against his and look into his eyes.  And that’s when I know.  I know.

“I love you, Jacky,” I whisper.

“I love you too, Lex,” he whispers back and we just smile at each other, our hands intertwined.  I could definitely stay here in this moment forever.  Forever with my Jack.

*A/N~ Omg I am so sorry that it took me this long to write this update.  I was in the crew for the play at our school and we had practice everyday and I had no time to write. But I'm back and the updates should be more regular now.

Also, I'm putting a lot of myself into this story.  Alex and I share a lot of characteristics and such.  I didn't mean to base him off of me, it just sort of happened.  If you're uncomfortable with self-harm, I'm sorry.  It will probably be in here a little more now.

The 'Just The Way You Are' part happened because idk lol that song came on whilst I was writing that part.  If I'm Alex, does that mean I get my own Jack?  He is super sweet.