Chapter 10
Remembering Him
I never thought I would be going down memory lane of all my exes. Kammeron says its for the best; I say I'm completely losing my mind as I go deeper and deeper into what was. She was right, I bottled up every past relationship I ever had. They all took a bad turn, what else was there to do? There was no way in hell I was going to deal with all of that emotional turmoil I had going on. All the tears I should have shed a week after those breakups- I didn't. I made myself distractions, things to keep me off of my disturbing love life that always took a turn for the worst. Maybe I was wrong for brewing up a distraction at the moment, cause now its just kicking me in the ass. Every emotion that I have ever bottled in and kept inside, is slowly piercing my heart and killing me. If I could take it back, I would. But the past can't be undone and my feelings can't kill themselves, but I'm sure they're having fun killing me internally. -Tee
"So....Tee. Last one." Kammeron implied slowly
"...yeah...I know.."
"And I'm assuming the last one is Demetrius." Akemi started
I looked down in desperation. The last thing I want to do is unfold the story of Demetrius. The one who I thought was the one. Who I thought would never leave me or fuck me over. Would never lie, never cheat. But I was wrong-beyond wrong.
"Teanna you don't have to tell us if you don't want to. I think you went through enough and said enough for today." Akemi inquired with sympathetic eyes
Kammeron snapped her neck, "No."
"What do you mean no Kammy? Look at her. She's freaking in emotional pain. You want this for her? "
"No I don't, but if she doesn't let go now then when Akemi? These are emotions from then; what was. Not what is...she has been hurting herself for the past years, she's just been that good at covering it up with the next dude no one knew. No one knew-but him."
"And whose him?" Akemi asked confused of Kammeron's question
I sighed, "Demetrius."
"So you were keeping everything in, and when D came along he did some mojo Jojo on you and you spilled about your love life? " Akemi questioned
I love this girl but she asks not the brightest questions for #1 in our graduating class.
I scoffed, shaking my head, "No. Just let me explain. Let me explain everything that happened. Everything from the beginning."
So it was April 2011 I was doing my same old routine; distracting myself from what was. Castiel called, texted, emailed-but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to feel what I felt when he left right from under me. So I went to practice and did double practice, double homework to keep my mind off of him. Off of love. Call me wrong but I just wanted to protect myself and no one else. Clearly no one can protect me but me.
So it was after practice I was in the outdoor lounging area with Kammeron and Carter, waiting for Jasen to get out of practice. I had my headphones in and I was caught in a daze. I kept replaying what happened two months before. I was left, he was gone, and now I'm here suffering.
I was snatched out of my trance by Kammeron shaking my hand,
"Teanna! Can you stop with the daydreams, you're really starting to creep me out."
I shook my head letting out a large sigh, "Sorry Kam, I'm just still- I'm just tired alright."
I looked out into the open space as I felt Carter grab my hand,
