The Tide - Completed

Part 37

Now or Never

Lance and I are sitting on the patio. I’m looking up at the sky, admiring the white clouds. My heart is racing, though. I’ve been putting off this confrontation for months. I guess Lance was tired of waiting for me to come to him.

“So,” Lance says, playing with a piece of grass. “Have you thought about what I told you?”

“Yes, I have,” I reply, looking at the ground. To be honest, I’ve been thinking about it for a while but I still don’t know what to do.

“And have you made a decision?” Lance asks cautiously.

I look away. It’s now or never. Actually, ‘never’ isn’t an option. I’ve got to decide right now. My years with Lance as my boyfriend enter my mind. Those years were full of happiness, love, and a lot of fun. Lance and I loved each other. He saw me advance from braces and pigtails to make-up, mini-skirts, and cheerleading. I’ve known him for years. But it wasn’t always good. Our break-up, for example, was one of the ugliest things I’ve ever gone through. What if something like that happens again? It might not be Ami this time, but it could be another girl. I don’t think I’d be able to handle that. I can’t stop myself from loving Lance because of a mere ‘what if’, though. Ugh, so many contradictions. Think, Jamie! Think!

Do I want to lose this awesome friendship I’ve built with Lance? Do I want to take a risk and give us another try? The past few months, I’ve enjoyed Lance’s company as a friend. When we were in a relationship, we never sat down and spoke. It was always lovey-dovey. We never spoke about anything in-depth. Now, well before this mess, Lance and I speak about all sorts of things. I can tell him almost anything.

All of a sudden, the answer enters my mind. I smile slightly; I know what to do.

“I think I’ve made my decision,” I say, still smiling.

“Yeah?” Lance asks. “What’s your decision?”

I take in a deep breath and exhale. I flick my hair slightly and look at Lance.

“Lance, I think we should stay the way we are,” I say. “As friends. I’ve just realized that when we were dating, we never spoke. We were always going out and doing things as a couple, but we never spoke. I’m not talking about the ‘Hi, Hi, How are you?’ speaking. I’m talking about real in-depth conversations. We never spoke like we do now. I also think that if we start dating, we’ll lose that strong communication we’ve built as friends. I think the feelings will get in the way. Don’t get me wrong, though, I do have feelings for you. I just think that we’d be stronger and more significant in each other’s lives if we remain good friends. If you don’t want us to be friends any more, though, I’ll understand. It’ll hurt me greatly, but I’ll understand. I don’t want to force you to do something you won’t be happy about.”

Lance doesn’t reply immediately. He’s still playing with a piece of grass. He looks like he’s deep in thought. I guess he’s thinking about whether he still wants me as a friend or not. I’m starting to fidget; the suspense is getting to me.

“Well?” I ask gently. Lance drops the piece of grass and looks at me. He isn’t saying anything; he’s just looking at me. It’s starting to unnerve me. Suddenly, he starts to smile.

“This is why I’m glad I have you in my life, Jamie,” he says. I smile uncertainly; I have no idea where Lance is going with this. He’s still smiling.

“It’s going to take a while for me to love you in a brotherly way,” he continues. “But that’s fine with me. You’re right; we will be stronger and more significant in each other’s lives if we remain friends. I value your friendship, Jamie. I don’t want to let go of you just because we aren’t dating.”

I smile and sigh with relief. I thought that Lance was going to drop me and move on. He’s another person in my life who has helped me grow. I move closer to him and give him a hug. He hugs my back, tightly.

“Thanks for understanding,” I say, closing my eyes. He pulls away and gives me a kiss on the forehead. I don’t mind, though. I know that he’s just being brotherly.

“Anything for you, Jamie,” Lance says. “You’re a friend worth keeping. Don’t forget that.”

I smile and nod. I’m definitely not going to forget that.

“So, are you nervous?” Lance asks, changing the subject. I sigh and put my head in my hands.

“I’ll take that as a ‘Yes, Lance, I am’,” he chuckles.

“I’m stressed about the stupid speech I’ve got to say,” I moan. “I hope I don’t mess up.”

Lance puts his hand on mine and smiles at me reassuringly.

“Jamie, you aren’t going to mess up,” he says. “I can say that with 100% confidence. Your speech is going to be heart-warming and I know that the guests will wish that you were their Maid of Honour.”

I smile at my friend. Lance really is something else. He always knows how to cheer me up. I hope he’s right, though. I really don’t want to mess up this speech. I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself if I do mess up.

“I guess I should get going,” Lance says, checking the time.

He gets up and helps me up too. I’ve just noticed that the sun is setting. I wonder what time it is.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, giving him a hug. He’s going to be at the wedding. I’m glad he is. Maybe that’ll help me get through that awful speech.

“See you, Jamie,” Lance says, hugging be back. “And don’t worry; you’re going to be fine. I know you will.”

I wave at him as he leaves. He waves back as he reverses his car and drives off. I go back into the house and sit on the kitchen counter. I really do hope Lance is right. I’m starting to freak out. I groan quietly and put my head in my hands.

This speech is going to be the death of me!