Corren's Fight

Chapter Five - Misery

I spent a lot of time asking myself why. Why did this have to be happening? Why did it have to happen to me? To my family? To Scott? I had eventually accepted the fact that God had forsaken my family, and that Scott's death was my fault.

Scott and I had faced the world together for as long as I could remember. Scott was only a year older than me. He took more of our father's features; bronze skin, dark brown eyes, dark hair, a sharp jaw, and a slope-like nose. Everyone told me I was Scott's miniature clone. It was true, we looked so much alike that people often mistook us for twins. The difference between us was that my hair was curly or wavy as some put it. I often left it as it was, disheveled and unruly, but girls loved it. The second difference was my green eyes and the lighter tan.

Besides the looks, Scott was a model son and the perfect student. Scott didn't want to be a valedictorian, but spent long nights studying for major tests when he needed to. He was also on the hockey team. When the hockey season ended, he was the captain of the lacrosse team. There was this thing about him, something that defined who he was. It was the way he carried himself. Scott was completely confident. He knew what he had created of himself, but was never cocky with his new found reputation. Scott went out of his way to help others. He was the life of every party, a leader that guided his teams, and an incredible friend. Even though Scott had all of this going on, he never failed to be a son or a brother. Scott helped around the house, looked out for me at school, and gave me advice whenever I asked for it.

But everything started to change. The signs were there. They were out so plainly in the open, but none of us ever thought anything of it. Two months before his death, Scott started spending more and more time in his room. This wasn't like Scott, he hated being confined in the house for too long, but he started spending hours on end in his room. Sometimes our mom would go in to check on him, only to find that he was sound asleep. We figured it was from studying too late at night. Then I started seeing Scott less at school. He attended, but I could never seem to find him on campus as often. I assumed he was helping his friends train for sports on the school's back field. Weeks later Scott's grades had significantly gone down. What were once solid A's had gone down to B's and C's. It was still passing, so our parents thought nothing of it.

Then there came the month before his death where'd he just snap at random moments. It would be me doing something as harmless as asking for help on homework when his face would twist into fury and he'd slam the door on my face. There was an instance where my dad had taken Scott's car keys when he came home drunk from a party. For one, Scott never drank, even if our parents allowed it at a Christmas party. Second, Scott never had a taste for alcohol and refused to drink it. Why did he start then? That was the biggest clue.

It was November when he hung himself.

After he died, the autopsy revealed that Scott was on drugs, and an investigation found that he had been hooked on them for a while. The only thing we felt through the numbness was shock. Scott was perfect in every way. He was carefree and happy. He had already planned his future out and chosen his career as a hockey star. Scott was happy, or so we thought.

It's still unbelievable. It's hard to believe someone you're so close to is there one day and then gone the next, never to come back. The way a life comes to sudden end is so surreal, even more so when it's by their own hand. I still couldn't place a single emotion. There were so many I felt. Disbelief, shock, hurt, betrayal. I never knew Scott could leave us that easily. I never knew he was that unhappy. In the months of nothingness that came, I found myself looking to see if he was in pain as he died.

I wasn't the one who found the body, it was my mother. But if Scott had done it right, his death should have been immediate. If he failed, he slowly suffocated. My nightmares began after that. It was a lesson learned for me- don't go looking for answers you aren't ready for. The months that past came in a downward spiral.