Gone with an Angel

Chapter Sixeen:

The blaring alarm clock went off again at eight thirty on the dot, waking me for Ty's first day of school. I rolled out of bed and proceeded with my now daily routine of getting ready. Then I pushed out into the kitchen where I would eat and James would likely be.

James, I thought, and instantly a smile stretched across my face.  I tried to hide it as I was pouring cereal into a dull white bowl, but it was hard when James was standing right there just watching me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye. When I turned to get a better look, I saw he was smiling, too. And my smile broadened, if that were possible. He walked closer to me, as though he were coming to collect me into his arms and never let me go. With a sinking heart I knew he wouldn’t; he couldn’t. Not unless he wanted me to black out and forget again.

 "Good morning," he whispered into my ear, and I felt my face rush with heat. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling.

"To you too," I whispered back into his chest, since he was over a foot taller than me. I already loved the way we fit together. Perfectly, like puzzle pieces; even if we couldn’t click together entirely just yet.

"Go?" I heard another voice from the opposite side of the room, and James and I broke apart quickly to see Ty's hopeful face with a new navy blue back pack slung across his back.

"Yeah, let's go, buddy," James said, walking by Ty and ruffling his hair, car keys in hand. Ty smiled large and sparkling, just like James did. He smiled almost as big as I did when I thought of James. Almost.

So we left, following the same tracks we did a week before on the way to Beyer School for Children with Autism. Ty chattered the whole way there, speaking rapidly about how excited he was for his first day of school. Mostly he was content talking even if no one replied back, though James made conversational noises at the right times like, "Oh? Really?" or "Yeah, it'll be great, I'm excited too." James smiled along with Ty, and I couldn't help but smile, too. Like an idiot, I might add.

We arrived at our destination shortly and dropped him off after a quick talk with Ms. Cailor, staying a bit just to ensure Ty was happy. We arranged to pick him up at five this afternoon. So as I fastened my seat belt, planning on heading home, James took a left out of the road we were on. The way home was to the right.

 "James," I asked, "where are we going?"

 "You'll see. Now just shhh," hee said, and reached over with one hand still holding the wheel and one intertwining his fingers around mine. I blushed and forced myself not to smile too much, probably unsuccessful. And then the world faded away, returning to the blackness I had felt the last time he touched me. I caught the look of anguish on his face as my body grew limp, and I was out.

Cloudy skies welcomed me as I slowly opened my eyes. My hands felt the cool leather of the car, and I found James sitting in the driver seat.

 “Where are we? What happened?” I asked, feeling anxious over not remembering a thing.

“It happened again…” he sullenly replied, looking into my eyes, seeming to apologize. I knew what he meant. I leaned up, glancing out of the windows. We were parked in the hospital parking lot. A place I knew too well.

 "James?"

He popped the car door, turned towards me, and looked into my eyes, sending warmth like a quiet fire racing up my arm. I tried to focus on that instead of my confusion.

"Kris, I got a call today, from here," he said and tilted his head in the direction of the looming hospital building. "I had given them the cell number last time you were here after the thing that happened with your dad..." He trailed off, and I felt cold fear race through my veins.

"And?!" I nearly shouted at him, because I couldn’t help the fear. "Why are we here now?"

He sighed and closed his eyes, removing his eyes from mine and stepping out of the car.

"Come on," he said quietly, and I tore open the door and broke into a run towards the doors of the hospital, already jumping to conclusions. There were only two things that could've happened anyways. Something very good or something very bad. I heard James trailing behind me, heavy footsteps coming up fast behind me. Getting closer and closer. In the back of my mind I thought he was shouting "Kris! Wait!" But I was too scared to listen. Or remember.

When I made it to the check in desk, the usual nurses and faculty who work there were once again wearing their "Oh you poor thing" faces, except this time captivated with even more pity. James was right behind me.

 "Kristina, you're here,” one of the nurses said in an all too friendly tone, and I pushed past her towards the room I know so well.

When I burst into the room, something was different. My sister was there, and everything was in place, but where the rhythmic beating of the monitor usually sounded was replaced by silence. My sister’s face was even paler, her skin pulled tight like she was a skeleton. She looked deflated, like an old happy party balloon that has had all of the fun pulled out of it, leaving nothing but the deflated shell. This only confirmed my suspicions, and before I could control myself I was throwing myself onto the bed with my sister, screaming "Shaylee!"

I grabbed her body, shaking her, holding her, anything to bring her back. I hadn't been one to pray, I had long since given up on God, but I wanted my Shaylee back. "Lord, Lord..." I started, and finished the rest in my head, because I was crying too hard to speak. I felt James presence in the room, lingering by the door, as well as a couple of the nurses.  

I was going insane, I was sure I looked like it too, screaming for God to bring my baby sister back, screaming for my father to go to Hell for what he did, and screaming just to do it. My face was contorted from crying, and the tears are leaving long rows as they tore down my cheeks, and I couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed beside Shaylee, my body shaking with ungodly sobs and noises.

 "Miss Kristy," a doctor’s voice sounded, "we need to take her away now."

 "Take her away?!" I shouted. “None of you will ever take her away from me!" And I held onto Shaylee's now even colder hand.

 Still sobbing, something occurred to me, and I turned on James. "Couldn't you have stopped this?! Why the HELL did you not stop this?! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HER." I was screaming, angry, scared, depressed. I didn't know what to do, who to blame, how to bring her back.   

His eyes widened and he took a step into the room, but I recoiled farther away from him. He stopped and stared down at his feet, then tried to look at me. At least that's what I think. My eyes were too swollen from crying. "Kris, you know I couldn't have done anything... I don't know how...I just..." He stuttered, and glanced back at the team of doctors and nurses gathered in the doorway.

 I was still sobbing and grabbing my sister, I hadn't stopped once, not even to catch my breath.

"Kristy, we really need you to leave now," the same doctor from earlier said slowly.

"No!" I shouted, forcing myself into the bed, refusing to move.

I remembered hearing footsteps coming toward me, hands grabbing me and pulling me off the bed, while I kicked and screamed, flailing around like prey caught in a net. I remembered James' voice, shouting my name, saying he's so sorry, and then I remember black. They must've used something to get me to sleep, stop my panic attack, something. Whatever it was, it didn't matter to me.

 Shaylee, the only person left of my life, was gone.