Curvaceous Kevlar and other inspired tales

Red MacGregor's Sporran - Part 8

"I want a beer, if you have any left," I told Helen, slumping into a bar stool. I'd returned Rob to his suspicious wife, taken a long, hot shower and reported to my superiors that we were safe, for the moment.

"You want what I gave old Rob, or the light beer I served the alien?" she asked, grinning.

"Whatever," I replied, too tired to care. "Not the light beer, though. Full strength."

She pulled me a pint and set it on a coaster. She waved away my offer of payment. "I'll make this one on the house. You brought plenty of business my way with those two and they tipped well, too."

"Won't the owner complain about you giving away free drinks?" I asked, still holding out my card.

Helen laughed. "Well, that'd be me and Dad, but he's retired now, so the only owner you'll meet is me. I figure I owe you a drink for letting me meet Old Red Rob. Some of the family stories made him out to be some sort of indestructible hero, but he was a fine old bugger."

I paused, mid-gulp, so I almost choked. "You mean you're related to that old man?"

"Didn't you notice the name of the pub?" she asked, pointing at the sign above the bar that read, MacGregor's. "I'm Helen Ruby MacGregor, direct descendant of the old bugger you brought in here."

I started to get suspicious. "Tell me, Helen Ruby MacGregor. What did you give the alien leader when he was here?"

She hesitated, then pulled her braid to one side, so I could see where a little of her hair was cut short. "A lock of my hair. It's what he wanted – DNA from red McGregor's spawn. He was drowning his depression at you having brought him a white-haired old man, when he needed the hair to be red for his superiors to believe he had the right human."

"You mean he took that horrible, hairy bag of Rob's when he didn't need it?" I exclaimed, starting to laugh.

Helen shrugged. "What's a trip across the Solar System without souvenirs? He got a genuine sporran and one of my signature tea towels. Better than a t-shirt." She started wiping the bar down with a cloth.

I finished my beer and set the glass down. I'd saved the world, with the help of a bartender and her many-times great grandfather. And no one would ever believe the truth.