The Fragile & The Broken ⊗ [boyxboy]

Chapter 7

  "No you don't Damian!" Chris said loudly, standing up abruptly causing me to lose my balance and fall backwards slightly. "How the fuck would you know Chris? huh? All I know is I've never felt like this or been so attached or god damn obsessed over someone." I yelled back standing up in front of him. "Just stop Damian, please." Chris said sternly stepping backwards. 

  I felt my eyes water and my knees weaken, I just wanted him so much. "I have to go." He sighed pushing past me and breaking out into a run across the field towards the school. I stood their staring at him disappear into darkness not even realizing tears were streaming down my face. 

  I forced myself to move, heading towards my house. Why didn't he believe that I wouldn't leave him? Had someone really hurt him that bad that he could no longer trust? I tried pushing the thought of Chris out of my head as I climbed the steps to my front door. 

  "You're home early." My mom called from the kitchen. I rubbed my eyes doing my best to hide that I was crying from her. "Uh.. yeah, pretty boring I guess." I shrugged hurrying up to my room. 

  Throwing myself on my bed, I sighed deeply trying to sort through my emotions. I felt rage replacing the sorrow, I'm so stupid! why did I tell him i love him? Maybe we could have made up and fixed our friendship if i hadn't freaked him out with the whole 'love' thing. I ran a shaky hand through my already messy hair and lifted myself from my bed. Warm tears sunk down my face as I dragged myself into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

  After tugging off my clothes, I rubbed at my eyes trying to subdue the cry while adjusting the shower temperature. I stepped under the running water and hung my head. why did i have to ruin everything? Why am I such a fuck up? Every emotion erupted inside me causing me to break down. I didn't even try to hold back the tears anymore, my knees began to weaken so I lowered my self to the ground, hugging my knees as my sobs melded with the falling water of the shower. 

  When I couldn't take the pain any longer, I forced myself to stand, reaching my quivering arm up to a small soap box placed out of sight on the very top shelf. My fingers wrapped around the somewhat soggy cardboard and brought it with me as I sat back on the ground. I wasn't sure If I was crying any more but I could feel the pounding pressure it left behind withing my head. The only pain that was worse than that was that in my chest, all the confusion, anger, and desperation held up in my body because of Chris. 

  I popped open the little tabs on the side of the soap box and held out my palm, allowing the box's contents to fall into my palm. A tiny piece of shimmering metal laid in my hand tempting me, no, daring me to stop the pain. My breath caught in my throat, I squeezed my eyes shut as I held the blade for the first time in months. I had nearly forgotten about it, and probably would have too if what happened tonight, didn't. If I hadn't been so stupid and ruin my only friendship. 

  I slowly opened my eyes, glaring at the healing cuts on my chest and stomach. Those were the newest, most noticeable. There were others scatted around my body, the disgusting body of a worthless boy. I felt my chest tightening and I knew as much as I wanted to stop doing this to myself, I couldn't. My blade was the only thing ive ever been able to rely on to stop the pain in my lonely life. I held my left arm out in front of me and turned it over revealing very pale skin. If you looked hard enough, you'd find a very light tint of pink dragged along my wrist leaving hidden reminders that i'll never be anything but worthless and pathetic. 

  I sucked in a breath, and without waiting any longer, I dug the piece of metal into my skin and dragged it across. A wave of relief washed over me as the blood seeped from my arm and pooled at the bottom of the tub. I continued to make cuts up my arm until I felt extremely light headed. Not moving too quick, not wanting to pass out, I managed to turn off the water and pull myself up and into a towel. My face mangaled in pain as I applied pressure to my arm with a hand towel to stop the bleeding. Once dried off and no longer gushing blood, I made my way out to my room and lazily pulled on some basketball shorts and crawled into my bed.