prayers for the lost.

dear unnamed friend.

Dear unnamed friend...

it has been a while, and im gonna spill my guts right now, and im to lazy to care about poetry and correct punctuation...

I feel like if you acctually do what you always threaten you would one day soon, and not be there one day when i would wake up. I know you took the easy way out, but life isnt easy, and if you did that i would die inside... I would feel like your blood would be on my hands, and it would stivk with me for the rest of my life no matter how long or short thatght might be it would be my fault no matter how many people said it wasnt.

it would be... because im the one who pushed you away when i should have been hugging you... i was the one that gave up on us because your parents told me to... well parent... Im the one who refused to talk to you for days it seemed because i wasnt worthy of talking to a beautiful Angel. However last night when we talked you seemed so alive and happy... maybe its best if i do just stay away... the sad part it that as much as i want to force myself to think that way... i just cant you mean to much to me and i could never live without you...

if you went through with it though without thinking i know what i would do... i could never go to the places we had gone, i couldnt go to our church... i couldnt go anywhere in this fucking town without thinking about you... and i would run as far away as possible never stopping just running with my bag, and the lord to somewhere i could find sanctuary and know that i could finally forgive myself, and that place will only be when i die... i wont do the same thing for i havent the strength, but i would drown my sorrows into an oblivion quickly followed my my will to live and to laugh and to write about how the lord saved me when he was the reason you went away...

just know my friend that i couldnt live without you and i love the hell out of you and i know the lord does too but i beg.... PLEASE dont take my girl away from me god for she is my fire that keeps me going when the night snuffs my flame.