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Chapter 22: Love Without Tragedy/ Ice Box

I stand to my feet and hover over the bed, grabbing my pants and slipping them on and running my hands through my hair,

My body was beginning to overheat with anticipation as I contemplated the worst. What should happen if I told him the truth? He would hate me, despise me, loathe me and yet I felt as though he deserved the truth.

"Please tell me, because I want to be able to help you." He says, searching my face for an emotion.

I felt my anger build, I felt emotion soar within me. "No- you cant help me. You couldnt ever." I say and look at him.

"Yes I could, you have to give me the chance." He says, sitting up. Jesus, he looked gorgeous, his brown hair brushed across his face and his hazel eyes glowing with life.

"What do you mean? We just made love-" Oh no, that just crossed a line. "Dont say that- dont ever say that." I say, through grit teeth. 

"What? Love? You just cant handle the thought of someone actually caring about you. Someone loving you."

"Shut up! I dont need love. I dont need any of that." I say and turn around, I couldnt face him. I couldnt face the emotion. "Yes you do. Please just tell me." He begs and stands up, reaching for his pants.

Silence fills the room until his phone rings. "Answer it." I demand and he just glances at it. "It's your Golden Girl. Answer it." I grit. "No, its my lawyer." He corrects and reaches for his phone. "Hello?" He says in an annoyed tone. "Yes, I understand that." Raphael groans. "What do you mean a year? It should never take that long for a damn divorce!" He shouts and I fold my arms across my chest.

"Oh." Raphael says quietly. "Yes, I understand. Keep me posted." He mumbles and hangs up the phone. "Well?" I ask and he sighs again. "Well considering the basis we married off of and all of the extra personal stuff, it's going to take much longer." He explains and I nod and look towards the door.

This was my clue to go. "Don't think you're off the hook Angel." He says and I roll my eyes. "Look, I'll tell you when I'm ready." I say and he shakes his head, denying my request.

Who the hell did he think he was? "No. Because that's you trying to run and I told you can run from everybody else except me."

"And what makes you so special?" I say, sucking my teeth. "Because I plan on spending the rest of my life with you." He says, simply with a shrug. I hated how blunt he was. His audacity was sickening.

"No. We arent. May I leave now?" I asked, sucking my teeth. "No. You cant."

"What will it take? I cant stay here anymore Raphael." I say and he presses his lips together. "I told you something nobody else knows. Brooke has to know because of the marriage deal but no one else on this Earth knows. My own mother believes my fathers dead was just an accident. I shared my biggest secret, something I thought would scare you off but it did the complete opposite. You held me. So know that when you tell me I'm going to do the same. I'm going to hold you. I'm going to stay." He says urgently.

I just still didnt know. Maybe it was my trust issues or just the quotes I lived by. But no one would ever catch me slipping.

"Raphael, you're going to hate me." I say and he steps closer to me. "I could never hate you Angel."

I bite the corner of my lip and pull my sleeves down. "Can I ask you a few more questions first?" I ask with a sigh. My heart was racing in my chest. 

"If that will help you, sure." He allows and I nod.

Good, I still have time. "When you were explaining how you felt about your wife- you sounded like you cared about her." I whisper. "That's not a question my dear." He says with a soft smile. How could I deny such a smile?

It should be illegal to look that good...

"Do you care about her at all? Still find her attractive?" I ask silently. I was so insecure and my jealousy would always get the best of me. "No, I dont care about her and no she does not attract me at all." He says, looking into my eyes the entire time. "Why did you marry her?"

"A deal his father made with mine awhile back. Of course he was an alcoholic and since we were so wealthy- it didnt start off that way. We owed her family a lot of money and then after I killed my father- Brooke's father watched me do it and threatned to turn me in, unless I married his daughter."

That made no sense. That sounded stupid...but he didnt sound like he wanted to share anymore.

"Is that it?" He asks and I shrug. "Angel, tell me." I feel my head begin to hurt and my body began to overheat.

I felt like I was about to have an anxiety attack. "Angel, calm down. It's okay." He says and I begin to pace back and forth, fanning myself as I take deep breathes. "No...it's not. It's not."

"Angel, I love you. I'm going to be here for you no matter what." Thats when I feel the tears begin. "Please, stop saying that." I ask, my throat closing together. "You need to hear that-" I felt like I was going to explode. "NO! I dont. Raphael- you know me! You already know me- you just dont see it!" I begin to shout. "Angel, what are you talking about-"

"Stop calling me Angel. I'm far from that! Raphael you and I are more alike than I thought. I just didnt know why. You- ever since you went through all of that stuff- you were losing who you were. Putting up this facade for the public, for your wife. Your whole life has been a lie! Your mind is shutting your past off!" I say, feeling hot tears on my face. "No it's not-" But I stop him again.

"Yes! Because I'm doing the same thing! I forget who I really am sometimes. I keep forgetting this isnt me. But you know me. You do, you just dont want to admit it." I say, feeling my body beginning to shake.   "I dont care who you are. I'm always going to love-"

"No youre not! You dont know me!"

"I do know you!" He shouts back and I hold my head and run towards his kitchen area. I feel myself going to combust. I'm overwhelmed. 

Everything was crashing down, his was going to eventually be okay, but I wasnt. 

"What are you doing?" He calls back, following me. I search through his drawers, throwing cups and utensils as I search for the item.

I pull my hair in a ponytail as I clasp the sissors and cut my ponytail off. "Aries, what the fuck!" He screams, but I continue to sob and cut my hair off until its up to my ear. "This is me! If my hair was black. This is ME!" I scream and drop the sissors.

Tears are in his eyes as he steps forward.

d I drop to the floor, my hands in my face.

I take a deep breath and say, 

"No. I'm Roselyn Merchant."

~*~*~*~*~

*Sits back and lights blunt, watching everyones outbursts and thinking..hmm maybe if I get a shit load of comments...I may do a triple update.*