Pain, Love, and Ocassional Suffering

Chapter 12

Joey's POV

I really shouldn't have said anything.

I feel like shit.

I bet I just made Shane hate me.

I laid down on my bed, thinking about what I just did.

I feel so bad.

I mean, he already has issues with his self esteem. I bet I just made it worse.

"I love you." I mumbled to myself.

Now he is never going to forgive me.

I'm just going to cry my heart out.

I rolled over on my side, facing the wall, and put my face in my hands.

I let the tears flow out.

Releasing the pain I put Shane and myself in.

I feel like a monster.

Just then I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I don't care if it's a murderer. He can kill me if he wanted to.

"Joey. Please stop crying."

I just kept crying.

I feel Shane get in the bed with me. I don't turn around to face him.

I mean, just facing him would put me in more pain than I already am.

I just want to cry until I have no more tears to shed.

"Joey. Stop." he said as he rubbed my arm.

"I hurt you though." I eventually got out.

"Yeah, it's just- I heard you bawling your eyes out. And I care about you to much to leave you here alone."

I just kept crying.

I still feel like I just stole a child's lollipop and hit him in the head with it.

"I really am sorry Shane. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." I said as I sat up still facing the wall.

"I forgive you Joey. I just felt like you hated me."

"I could never hate you Shane." I sniffled. "You're one of the most amazing people I have ever been with."

I turned to face him and saw that his arms were cut up and bloody.

"Oh Shane..." I mumbled to myself.

"I need to get better." he said.

"I know. But I still love you."

"You say that."

"Yeah. And your point is?"

"It's just- I have trust issues. And I can't really see anybody saying they love me, and not running off."

"You're still on the topic of me 'leaving you?' I told you. Never leaving." I said as I traced little circles on his hand.

"I know. I'm still getting used to it."

"Shane. You should be used to it. Now let's get your cuts cleaned." I said getting up changing the subject.

Shane followed and we went to the bathroom. I ran his arm under the running water, and washed it with some soap.

He winced in pain a little bit, but it was for the best if him.

I wrapped his arms in bandages and we went back in the bedroom.