Pain, Love, and Ocassional Suffering

Chapter 2

Joey's POV

I can't believe he is thinking this way. He's not a bad person. I wish he would just believe that.

I have noticed ever since he started dating Lisa that he has been more self aware. In a bad way.

He always calls himself fat, gross, and disgusting. He's not though. I wish that he could see that.

"Shane?" I say to break the silence.

"Yeah?" he replies.

"You're perfect okay. Don't let this one stupid thing make you think different." I let go of him to see his face.

He had been crying.

"Yeah. To you Joey. I'm just a lazy, fat, human being who does nothing but get in the way of everyones happiness. Come on Joey everyone sees that. I don't know how you can be so oblivious." he explains.

"Shane. You're not fat. Stop calling yourself that. You make me happy."

Maybe I chose the wrong wording, but its true.

"Joey, stop lying."

"Im not lying Shane. If I were lying, you would have noticed it because I am not a good liar."

"Okay. Whatever Joey. You can think that." He said in a sarcastic tone.

But I think he was serious.

"Shane..."

"What, Joey?"

"Please stop this. You're making me worried."

"Joey you can't hide whats true. Just get it through your head that I am a fat nobody who does nothing but post videos on the internet, sit around all day like a person with no life. Because I have no life Joey. Ok? And Lisa just proved it. I am nothing. I am worthless and-"

I got tired of him talking this way.

"SHANE! STOP FUCKING TALKING LIKE THAT! I FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR PRESENCE. I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A WASTE OF A HUMAN BEING! STOP. Just stop, Shane."

He was stunned.

"You're kidding."

Really? Thats all he could say.

"No. I am not kidding."

He went silent for a few minutes. But then he hugged me.

"Joey. Joey Joey Joey Joey. I am so sorry. No one has ever cared that much about me before. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please forgive me."

"I will Shane. Just please say that you won't say those things again."

"Like I said before. I'll try."

At least he's going to try.

"Okay Shane. Do you want to do something."

"Can we just relax?" he asked.

"Sure."

He let go of me and ran over to my couch. He sat down and waited for me to get on the couch with him. I sat down and turned on the TV.

We sat and watched TV for about 20 minutes, and Shane asks

"Why do you think Lisa had sex with somebody else?" He said looking at his hands.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I want somebody elses point of view from the sitiuation." he said not taking his eyes off of his hands.

"Well, what do you think made her have sex with another guy?"

"Well, she used to come home drunk sometimes. And all those times she wanted sex. But I always said no."

Wow.

"Well maybe she just saw someone who looked like you." I answered.

"Come on Joey. She would know if it was me or not. Somebody must have called you, because she says that she can't say so it must be one of our friends."

"Well, I....wait."

*Flashback*

Luke came to my house early that morning.

"Luke!" I say running toward him and egulfing him in a big hug. "Where were you? You scared the shit out of me."

He has been staying at my house while his house is getting redone.

"Yeah. Sorry."

He sounded a bit hungover.

"Luke? Are you drunk?"

"Yeah. Joey the potato is in the french fry."

"Okay. Why are you home so early, or late?"

He had this big smile on his face.

"I had got LAID" he said super loud.

He's drunk.

"Thats uhhh...great. Do you know like with who?"

"Uhhhh, all I can remember was that she was blonde and I think she had a boyfriend."

*End of Flashback*

"Luke." I whispered.

"What?" Shane said to me.

"Luke. He- He came home one day and he said he had sex with some blonde girl and she had a boyfriend. Shane, I am so sorry."

He did nothing. He just looked back down at his hands and I saw a tear roll down his cheek.

"Shane. Shane don't cry." I tried to get him to stop, but he just took off toward the bathroom.

I followed him but he just slammed the door in my face.

God knows whats happening in there.

"Shane come on. Come out of there." I yelled banging on the door.

"NO. Just leave me alone in here to die."

What does that mean?

"Shane, Shane what are you doing?"

No answer.

"Shane! Shane please don't." I say banging on the door.

"This ones for Luke." I hear Shane say. "For making my life a living hell."

"Shane please no." I said banging on the door again.

"This ones for Lisa, for doing the same."

I just kept banging on the door trying to get Shane to come out.

"This ones for myself for being a worthless piece of shit." I hear him say.

"SHANE STOP PLEASE!" I yell.

"And this ones for life. Being such a stupid thing to own."

And thats when I kicked the door down. I see Shane, wih his arm covered in blood and a blade to his wrist. I walk over to him and take the blade out of his hands and throw it across the floor. I pick up Shane and bring him to the couch. He didn't hesitate.

He just kept crying and saying 'Life is stupid' and 'Why was I ever born?'

When I placed him on the couch, he kept crying. I went to the kitchen to get paper towels to clean his arms. I walked back to my couch to find Shane squeezing his arm. Blood coming out very rapidly.

"Shane stop." I say as I run over to him and take his hand away from his arm. But he just does it again. I do it again, but he does it again. He is being persistant.

"Shane please stop. You're scaring me." I say as I pull his good arm away from his cut arm.

"No. Just let me die." He said trying to get out of my grip.

"Shane. Think about your fans. Think about your family. What would they do without you?"

"They don't care. No one cares. I don't see why you care. You should be out thinking what a fuck up I am."

"Shane, I care. Please believe me. I care. I want you to get better."

"Well I am not, so just stop trying." he said to me.

I had no response.

I just put the paper towels over his arms to stop the bleeding. It took ten minutes, and two rolls of paper towels to get the bleeding to stop entirely. He had cut pretty deep. Which made me worry more.

"Shane?"

"What?"

"Why?"

"Why what? Why my life is fucked up? Well Joey I can't tell you."

"No Shane. Why did you cut?"

"Because."

"Because isn't that good of an answer Shane."

"Because thats all I feel like doing."

"You don't have to do it though." I say while tears pricked at my eyes and are threatening to spill out.

"Yeah I do."

"No you don't. I know it was your first time, but can you stop?" I say as tears fall down my cheeks.

"Joey why are you crying?"

"What? Has no one ever cried over you before?"

"No. Not really."

"Well I am now."

"Why?"

"Because I am fucking worried about you Shane. I don't want you to die. I don't want you to be gone forever becasue of this one thing."

He didn't say anything. He just hugged me.

"I am so sorry for being a dick. Please forgive me."

"Its okay." I said. "You don't have to be sorry."

"Yeah I do." I felt tears. Shane was crying. "I am being a dick. I am so stupid and-"

"Stop calling yourself stupid. You're not stupid Shane."

More of Shane's tears soaked through my shirt.

"Thank you for being the only one who cares." he said into my neck.

I knew I wasn't the only one who cared about him, but I just didn't want him to start saying that I was.

"You're welcome." we just sat there for about 5 minutes hugging.

It felt nice. Really nice. I could stay like this forever.

I have always kind of liked him. I have never been gay, but I would be for Shane.

Maybe i'm bisexual because I have had girlfriends before so...

"I love you Joey."

What?

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Is it good? It's bad isn't it?

I don't think any one is reading this.... ;-;