I Like It When You're Angry

Chapter 24

I had told Leo that I was going out of town, lied that I had to run some errands for the wedding, and gritted my teeth while I looked him in the eye. I tried to push the queasy thought out of my mind, stirring my tea as I stared out at the vast, night sky. A comforting breeze whispered through my hair, and I leaned back in my chair on the balcony. I looked to my left, peering through the window of my apartment to see the kitchen clock. 11:58 PM. Almost time

So here I was, waiting in the dark, silently staring into my hot cup of tea, hoping that there was something at the bottom that I didn't already know. There was nothing that could stop me from what I knew was destined to happen tonight. It was the only way that I would be able to live my life with Leo. But would it really be a life? Although I hated Edgar for saying it, he was right. I would never be able to have a child with Leo. And at most, we would be able to have a solid forty years of marriage. But after that, what was I to do? Where would I go?

"Beautiful night, you can see all the stars."

"You always liked coming unannounced," I got up from my chair, turning to lean against the rail of the balcony with my cup as I faced Edgar.

He had probably picked the lock of my front door, yet I hadn't expected anything less. I couldn't see his face since he was shrouded by the shadows, but I was able to make out his tall, lean muscular physique. Another damp breeze swirled by and coated my fingertips, making the cup slippery in my hands.

"So, how shall we do this, do you want me to kill you in the living room, kitchen, bedroom, your choice," I took another generous swig of my tea.

"I prefer, none."

Edgar slowly crept from his corner by the door to the railing, standing a few feet apart from me. He wore a solemn expression and I tried to read his thoughts, but his voice interrupted me.

"You aren't going to kill me."

"Why are you so sure of that?"

"Because you love me too much."

I scoffed, "Not only are you an arrogant ass, but you're also delusional."

"No matter what you say, you can't deny it."

I sighed, placing my cup on the table. "I love Leo."

Edgar crossed the balcony, his footsteps barely inaudible. His strong arms slithered around my waist drawing me in against his warm chest. Shocks of electricity sparked through my nerves, igniting my skin as my heart jolted against my ribs. He burrowed his nose in my hair, and I cringed as his lips brushed against my ear.

"Can you honestly tell me, that you feel the same burning passion, the same aching desire, the same lust for Leo, as you do for me?" his whisper echoed in my head.

And that's when I did the most horrible thing I could think of - I hesitated. A lump began to rise in my throat and I swallowed hard trying to force it down. My knees buckled and I fell from his arms, welcoming the cold cement floor of the balcony with my hands.

I shoved myself away from his hold, curling up into the corner, wedging myself between the brick wall and railing. The black of the night swirled with my surroundings as large tears swelled in my eyes, eventually coursing down my cheeks as I shuddered with self-loathing. Edgar kneeled onto the floor, crawling to me with panicked eyes as he reached out to touch my leg. I pushed myself to the side, avoiding his contact as I hid my face.

"Mina, stop tryi-"

"Why are you here?" I croaked, my voice muffled by the mess of my hair and sobs.

Edgar remained quiet, resting his hands on his lap as he cocked his head to one side, trying to level his gaze with mine.

"Because I love you."

"Bullshit!" I whipped my head up from my knees, my cheeks stained with tears and my eyes irritated to an alarming shade of red.

"Did you think that I would just fall back into your arms as soon as you said that?"

Edgar didn't reply as he remained composed, his eyes grazing over my face as my hands trembled.

"You did love me Mina."

"Mina you, "did" is in the past."

"That doesn't change anything. The feeling that we share, can't be found in some stranger a year later."

"We shared NOTHING. Do you hear me? Nothing."

"Stop lying to yourself Mina."

"How dare you, talk down to me as though I were some child," I took in short jagged breaths, staring at Edgar while doing so.

"You ruined my life."

Edgar seemed to stop breathing, and he dropped his gaze to his knees. He dreaded what I had said, but it was true. It was disgusting, vile, and heartless.

"You destroyed everything I had ever loved. You tricked me into killing my own best friend. Anastasia wasn't evil, she was a victim you robbed her of her sanity. You turned her into a monster. And then..." I let out another choked sob, letting another waterfall of salty tears stain my jaw.

"But most of all, you took away the only family I ever had. You, murdered Quintus-"

"I didn't ki-"

I cut Edgar short, "I don't care if wasn't your hands that ended his life. You stood there and let him die in cold blood - right in front of me. You took away everything that I ever cared about, and then ran like the coward you are. And now, you expect me to love you?" My shoulders shook violently and I clenched my fists, gripping hand-fulls of my hair as I gritted my teeth so hard I thought they would crack.

Edgar just sat there, unable to answer me. It seemed as though hours had past by, and my cheeks were raw and stained; my eyes so dry that I had to close them.

"Want to know what sucks most of all?" I hissed the words, leaning my head against the rough brick.

He scooted to my side, but made sure to stay a good length of space away, "What?"

"That no matter how hard I try to escape you, you're always there, waiting. And you're right, I can't have a real life with Leo. I'll never really be able to love him. I don't want to be there to watch him grow old and die. Eventually, all the people that I have come to love, have left me."

"Mina, I know that nothing I could say would ever be enough for you to forgive me, but the only thing I never lied about was loving you. Seeing you in that gown that day, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on, and knowing that I had to hurt you, I wanted to die."

"You should have," My words were so bitter that I immediately regretted saying them.

Edgar nodded, staring up at the sky as he pressed his mouth into a firm line.

I stood from the floor, walking back into the apartment and to the middle of my hallway. I turned, gazing at Edgar who stood watching me. My feet knew what I was thinking before I even did, and they led me back to him, advising my hands to take a mind of their own as well. Twining my fingers with his, I pulled him behind me, leading him down the corridor and into the pitch black of my bedroom.