Her Light's Dreaming [GirlxGirl] [Lesbian Story]

XII - Fire

LOUD. FAST. THAT WAS THE RATE of my heart as I saw the aging man enter the establishment. He was with two friends whom I've never met. I soon started to tremble as I took a shaky step back. My lip quivered as the mop fell from my hand, making a slapping sound against the tiles. There's no way this is happening. I told my myself. This can't be real.

"Carter, what's wrong?" I heard a voice ask, I wasn't sure who's.

He came in laughing with his friends and took a seat by one of the booths. His intimidating gait was still there, though he paled with age. I tried taking a step back but I felt trapped. Trapped in his presence that felt like chains holding me firmly in place. His clutches were much too firm to escape from. I felt myself losing air quickly as it got harder to breathe, I started panting now.

"Carter?!" Yelled a voice again.

"What's wrong with her Felix? What's going on?"

"Jermaine! Get water!" The voice revealed as Felix yelled.

I tried calming myself but it only proved to make escaping this feeling harder. It was getting more and more difficult to breathe, I was getting dizzy now. Tremors shot through my body like electricity and everything started fading around me as white flashes followed by dark vivid memories flashed before my eyes.

Is this how I'm going to die? Scared to death?

"Can someone tell me what's happening?"

I felt a soft hand on the side of my face then. "Carter. . . What's going on?" The contact and voice almost pulled me back into reality but that only pushed me to run – scurry – through the small crowd of people and to the back room. I locked the door then leaned against it, sliding down and dropping my head into my knees.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I shouted at myself. I sounded so different. Weak. Vulnerable.

I still felt my hands shaking, my heart felt like it was about to explode. Another flash of memories. The envisioning of my father looming over me as I screamed and kicked and clawed but ultimately failing.

Abomination. He repeated over and over and over. I felt hot tears caressing my cheeks and I almost welcomed any feeling of warmth. I shook my head violently back and forth, trying feverishly to rid myself of these horrid flashbacks.

A knock at the door caused me to jump in shock. "Carter, please open the door." Felix begged.

"Leave m-me alone!" I yelled. No one deserves to see me like this. What would they do? What's the point?

"Carter, you can't lock yourself in here all day!" I then heard Miranda's voice. "What happened?" She then whispered.

"She's having a panic attack,"

A panic attack.

This has only ever happened to me when I was a teenager. A weak little sixteen year old, afraid and ashamed of herself. Before I discovered the amazing world of nicotine and tobacco. A sob croaked from my lips beyond my control and my laboured breathing didn't feel as though it was calming down any time soon.

"Carter?" I heard Mr. Miles' voice call. "Carter, I'm gonna need you to open the door. Felix, go to my office and look in any of my desk drawers for the keys to this door."

"W-why should I?" I yelled shakily, trying to disguise the sobs in my voice. "No o-one can do shit about this! I need to be a-alone." I was trying my best to grasp any control I had left. I felt as if I was falling into a dark abyss and no one was there to pull me out. My hands were shaking and the only thing I could do was reach behind me and grab the doorknob. Something, anything to keep me anchored to reality.