Pink princess

E L E V E N

Maybe I can swim into your thoughts like the drugs do, paralyze your body sick and tired of waking up to burning eyes and cigarettes in falling through the couch like a suicide mission tonight.
-pierce the veil: the Devine zero.
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The days spent away from L.A made me feel refreshed. Like everything that happened before was somehow erased for a couple of days. I still felt weary of everyone around me, and tried to steer clear of mostly everyone. It's funny that now on our way home, during this long drive all the memories start flooding in, they haunt me everyday as much as I try to keep myself entertained or focused on something else they are still there taking up what seems is almost all of my brain. Who can I trust to confide these thoughts with, my happiness feels artificial there's nothing real there, it's all fake.

I didn't stop thanking the guys, they spent all this time and money on me and I wasn't actually worth it honestly. Connor had tried to pay for everything ordered or wanted to buy even though I had more then enough money for myself. It was now time to go home, the days were fun but in all seriousness I wanted to be back in the comfort of my own home. This vacation was somehow exhausting, all we'd done was lie around by the pool and get drunk but I guess trying to force  myself to be happy takes a toll on my well being.

All of us got into the cars we came in, me obviously going with con. I think all of us had, had enough of each other for a while and It would be some time till we would see each other again. The car ride home would be a good 4 hours and I'd get some time to sleep. I told Connor I would drive home at the half way point so he could rest. We'd stayed up the night before drinking and just talking draining all of us of energy for the next day.

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Seeing the sign saying "welcome to Los Angeles" I knew the traffic was about to start up and it would take us a whole log of time to make it to my apartment. Connor had long before woken up a date we were just telling each other random facts that others didn't really know about them.

"I was born in south Africa and raised in Australia that's why my accent is so different" I said before he came in and surprised both himself and I.

" I think you have the most beautiful eyes and I like you a lot" right away he slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide and cheeks red and hot. I didn't know what to say honestly i was taken aback I didn't expect this. Sure we'd slept together and  -- well now thinking about it there were some signs--. There were words I wanted to say but i guess my brain to mouth connection was being ducking dumb because I could tell say anything y she words were caught.

"I'm so fucking sorry, I fucked up I know I did, you just went through so much and this is probably making you so ucomfortable". He kept ranting about how stupid he was and I just wanted to scream for him to shut up, to please just fucking stop talking and let me think for a while.

"CONNOR please stop apologizing let me just drive please" I finally snapped feeling overwhelmed by the amount of words falling past his perfect mouth. Words of hatred towards himself,  words I couldn't witness him calling himself.

I turned the radio on to get some of the tension out,  there were thoughts running game through my mind they were just flying everywhere things like "do I like him", "why would he like a fuck up like myself" it was all so weird to me.

Time had gone by and before I even noticed I was parking Into my complex. Turning off the engine I got out and opened the trunk wanting nothing more then to just be inside the comfort of my apartment.  I grabbed my bags and left to go inside not even waiting for Connor, if I got up there first I wouldn't have to endure a more then awkward walk to my floor.

Once I opened the door I threw my bags down and ran to my room ready to change and take my makeup off. Soon I heard the door open and I figured it was Connor so I stayed in my room pondering what was about to go down. Hopefully it would all be well and nothin