You Left Me With These Broken Lies (Sequel to TBSIATG; Andy Biersack Story)

Chapter 16

National Metal Day. Make An Epic Wish Day. Veteran's Day. There were so many reasons to celebrate today. I've been making wishes since the moment I woke up. At 11:11 in the morning, I was making an amazing wish. For all this drama to be over and done with. But I doubt it would come true. Nothing ever really went well for me anymore. All of this bull shit, it always got me to thinking. How life would never be okay again. How there wouldn't ever be a chance for me to be happy.

Not that I was ever happy in the first place. Sitting alone in the freezing autumn air on a bench in Los Angeles wasn't exactly the smartest thing for a person to be doing. The honking of the cars that drove by and the conversations of the people passing were the only sounds that I heard other than my own thoughts, which were barely audible.

It was as if I were trying to tune my own self out. To ignore all thoughts flowing through my mind, to stop the madness from taking me over. The madness of not knowing what to do anymore, the feeling of heart break still ripe in my chest, it's nearly too much for me to bear, but I know that I have to survive. Yet here I sat wishing I was dead, contemplating ways to end it all again. Make one last attempt and to make sure that there wouldn't be anyone around to save me this time.

Shaking my head, I knew that I was thinking selfishly. This world forbade me to ever leave. The world needed me. There were people out there that I hardly knew, all of my fans, who depended on me so. They looked up to me and thrived on my words of encouragement to keep themselves alive. How hypocritical of me.

Always giving amazing advice and not being able to follow it myself. Why was it so hard to follow my own advice? So many lives...I've saved so many lives. But I couldn't save myself. I was sitting in the biting cold wishing to meet my demise. Just a few days ago, I had been so happy. J made me feel that way on the inside. But all thoughts of Andy always flooded back to the banks of my mind causing me to sink back into the state of utter depression.

Glancing at all the faces that passed by, I couldn't help but notice how happy everyone looked. Couples walked together laughing, hand in hand. Clusters of friends chatted together, pointing at merchandise in the window of a store. Even the lone people appeared to be happy and content. Unlike myself. Seeing them all made me long for the state of happiness that I used to know.

Minute after minute, I began to make the decision of using today to my advantage. It was Make A Wish Day, no? I could make all the wishes I wanted in hopes that they would come true. The ones at 11:11 were the ones that were supposed to make a difference.

Silently, I made a few wishes. What did I have to lose? "Once again, I wish that all of this drama could end. I wish that Andy and I could be at least friends. I wish that Matt, Trevor's best friend, was still alive. I wish that my parents weren't fighting. And...I wish that Andy and I had never met."

It didn't make much sense for me to wishing that Andy and I could be friends while wishing that he and I hadn't met. It didn't make sense at all, yet that's what I had just done. Nothing I did or said made much sense to me anymore. Honestly, what was the point of my existence? It's as if I was just simply placed on this earth without a purpose.

If asked, I know that there would be many people who would reply with "being an inspiration" or "saving lives," yet I know that can't be it. Or is it? I didn't know anymore. It seems that I've lost touch with who I am and what I'm meant to do and who I am meant to be. With a near-silent sigh, I stood up from where I sat and began walking around the city.

As I walked, I was attracted by the sound of keyboards playing. Straining my ears, I tried to figure out where the sound was coming from. When I figured it out, I walked towards the location, smiling slightly as I found an attractive guy playing the keyboards. He was rather tall and had pale skin. He had snakebite piercings and semi-long black hair. It was slightly teased and some of his hair covered his right eye. As I listened closely, I recognized that he was playing a bit of the song "Creatures" by Motionless In White.