Sherri
"Why?"
I sighed as Lisa's house grew of nothing but concern after the news of my kidney disease had been presented to my family. My mom's face his behind fallen tears and even though she seemed worried, I knew that she prayed a silent prayer for me. Mama's always kept faith eligible to move mountains.
Lisa was utterly shocked, but relieved in a way. She said that she figured that something was wrong with me the day I left her house, but thought that maybe it was something worse. Cancer perhaps. So, she was relieved that it wasn't cancer resting in my blood.
My brother Mike and his wife gave their well wishes and prayed for a healing. Of everything going on right now, they just wanted my health to be in a positive state, and I couldn't say that I didn't agree.
The disease crawling throughout my kidneys wasn't the only announcement I made. Believe it or not, I also told my family of my old and new relationships. When the words of Teri being my girlfriend slid in their ears, each of them had a very different response.
Lisa was overly excited. She lived for Teri and I. Mama smiled and expressed her happiness for new beginnings. But Mike--Mike didn't say anything, didn't make a peep. Maybe he agreed with our love and maybe he didn't, either way, I didn't give a damn.
I looked over at Teri who'd been standing by my side the whole time I gave my announcements. The effortless support that she gave and the love that she stored within me was unthought of. If she deserved anything, it was nothing but the world. Every last bit of it.
"Thank you for being here." I mouthed, placing my eyes on hers.
She shot me a smile. "Of course."
"Well, everyone knows now."
I watched as Teri's smile fades. "Everyone but one person."
I participated in a sighing as my eyes stumbled upon my sister's hard wooden floor.
Teri still thought I should contact my father, but I just wasn't sure if I should've.
—
Teri
I smiled to myself as I watch four beautiful children go up and down the plastic, red slides of a nearby park.
I decided to bring Sher's boys with me while she was at the treatment center, receiving care for her disease.
She promised she would have Khamar pick up John & Michael so that I could have a break, an even though I told her that I didn't need any break, she still insisted Khamar coming to get them.
"Teri?" A familiar voice called my name. I searched behind me as a tall, slender body walked in my direction. Being who I'd spoken of, it was Khamar's tongue that spat out my name.
I stood from the wooden bench that my rear end once rested upon and breathed heavily as I tried to make eye contact. Trying to look this man in his eyes after all the hurt he put my Sherri through wasn't easy. Especially with him being the reason my heart longed for a broken woman--a woman so helplessly damaged. "Hey, Khamar."
Awkwardly, our hands meet, then they release.
He thanked me for looking after the twins then began to wonder of Sherri's whereabouts.
"Uh, no problem." I said. The two of us placed our bottoms onto the bench and threw our eyes at our children."She didn't tell you where she was gonna be?"
A clueless expression sat between the hairs implanted within Khamar's face. "No, she ordered for me to get the boys. That's it. Should I be worried about where she is though?"
I turned my body so that I wasn't facing his as I felt torn to voice my next response. I thought of telling Khamar of Sher's condition, but it was not my place to do so, right? And, what if she didn't even want him to know anything about it?
"Um, I think you and Sherri should just talk."
"About what?" His face drowned in wrinkles. "Is it something serious?"
I sighed. "I'd rather have Sherri explain what's going on."
Khamar proceeded in trying to get me to speak of what was currently happening in regards to Sherri. But, I couldn't just tell him what she probably wanted to tell him herself. By the curiosity he was displaying, I could figure that Sher didn't even mention anything about her health to him. And even though they were not together anymore, he was still the father of her children and he deserved to know. Or does he not?
"Khamar, I don't want to be the one to say things that I have no business saying, but I do want to be the one to say this: for awhile I watched Sherri lose herself over you, I held her as she hurt. Wiped her tears away, gave her my shoulder. I never knew she could be so weak, y'know?" My eyes traveled to the ground we stood on. "Khamar you truly hurt the love of my life and all I think is why...why would you want to hurt her?! What did she do that was so wrong? Do you know that when I look at her I don't even know whom she is anymore?"
"She didn't do anything wrong, Teri." He replied, slowly, with his chin hanging below his chest. Guilt was entering his body.
"Then why did you cheat?!"
"I just--I don't know, Teri." Khamar's words played around in his throat. "I was selfish, okay?! I'll admit that! But, dont act like sometimes we don't do things we wish we hadn't."
"Yeah but, when you love someone you just don't treat them bad. You just don't hurt them and then not have an explanation as for why." I shook my head in disbelief. "You can't even give the real reason as to why you cheated. I mean, yeah, you said you were selfish. But, c'mon. You can come up with something better than that."
Khamar sighed. "I understand that but I'm not here to be shamed. I just want to get my kids, and leave. This conversation can happen some other time."
"You're right, and I'm not trying to shame you. I just don't think you realize what you've lost."
—
Sherri
I sat with my head resting upon the back of an all black provided chair as my eyes begin to roam the white painted ceiling.
My heart beat rapidly as fear enter through the room of which my body was stored.
Thoughts--frightening thoughts, crowded my restless mind.
How could my kidneys betray me in such a way?
How could I care for my children as my health was taking over and changing everything?
I had always been the type to keep faith, even during the toughest of storms, but having Kidney Failure? It was one storm that I just wasn't prepared for.
Worried, I look down at the IV pouring into my left arm and the strange colored wires wrapped around my index finger. As hard as I tried, I just couldn't prevent tears from surrounding my pupils.
These objects on my body represent my new normal. Being sick, having to receive treatment, not being sure if I'll be okay. What did I do to deserve this? Seriously. What did I do?
I just want to hold my bebes, to kiss Teri, to just feel okay again.
I thought that I was doing better after everything that happened with Khamar. But with having this disease, my heart has drifted right back into that dark place that I had to lose myself just to get out of.
And right now, as these tears danced upon my left and right cheeks, I miss myself more than I've ever missed anything.
A/N
Thoughts? All are appreciated.
-Not edited.
- Chapter dedication : amoney9
